


Break of Day

by justkindaherechilling



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Growing Up Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:07:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 32,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26800045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkindaherechilling/pseuds/justkindaherechilling
Summary: The Beginning
Relationships: Adam & Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 8





	1. The Beginning

“Lance and Keith were inseparable.”

“No one could ever come between them.”

“Have you ever seen one without the other?”

“Don’t you think they’d make the cutest couple?”

Over the years they had heard it all. It wasn’t like they were wrong. When Lance McClain met Keith Kogane at the age of seven it seemed to be fate. Keith was the awkward new kid from across the street. He had a big brother in middle school and he seemed _really_ cool. Plus he had a dog. Lance’s parents didn’t like animals in the house.

But Keith didn’t really like Lance at first. He was angry enough about having to move across the country. The last thing he needed was a loud, annoying kid hanging on him day and night. His parents told him he had to be nice. That he would have to make new friends anyways. So much as it made Keith mad he let Lance hang around.

And soon Lance’s laughs got a little less grating. His constant questions about Shiro became more tolerable. The random adventures Keith found himself on started to become fun. And before he knew it he and Lance McClain were best friends. That first summer was somewhat magical. Both too young and innocent to think about anything other than their next scheme. Long summer days filled with laughter and ice cream cones and too many scraps and bruises to count.

Keith got nervous right before the school year started. His last school had been really small. Everyone knew everyone. But his new school was gigantic. Twenty kids in one classroom? Nothing scared Keith more. Lance told him not to worry. “If anyone is mean to you I’ll beat them up.” Lance lisped. He had finally lost both front teeth. Keith had helped with that by pushing Lance out of a tree.

Keith’s brow furrowed, “You’re too small. Even _I_ could beat you up.”

Lance shrugged, already thinking about something else, “We could always get Shiro to beat them up. He’s a middle schooler. Nobody is tougher than a middle schooler.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right.”

So a week later Keith stood awkwardly in front of a classroom, desperately fighting his stutter as he tried to introduce himself. “I-I’m Keith-h K-Kogane…”

A couple of kids started to giggle behind their hands. Keith’s eyes immediately snapped to the floor. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. Their teacher, and older woman, remained oblivious and tried to get more information out of Keith. “Where did you live before you moved here?”

He twisted his sweatshirt in his hands. “D-D-Delaware…”

Now full-blown laughter erupted in the classroom. The teacher failed to calm everyone down. “Students! I will not have you bully a new student on his first day!”

Tears prickled in Keith’s eyes. Refusing to look up he wondered if he should stand there and continued to get laughed at or if he should push through the crowd to his desk. A voice piped up from the back of the room. “That’s Keith! And he’s my best friend!”

Keith’s head jerked up. Lance was standing at his desk, a wide grin on his face. “He moved from Delaware this summer. He lives across the street from me!”

The class fell silent. The teacher fumbled for a moment before she smiled. “Thank you Lance. I’m glad Keith has already started to make friends.” Keith took the opportunity to scurry back to his desk.

Lance sat down as well and grinned. He leaned across the isle and whispered, “See? I’m not gunna let anyone be mean to you.”

Try as he might Lance wasn’t able to stop all the bullies. Most of the kids in this class had been together since babyhood. They didn’t take kindly to a new kid trying to push into their bubble. One day Keith stood by the bike racks waiting for Lance. They were going to watch a movie at Lance’s house. Keith was excited. He loved Lance’s little siblings. He would love a little brother or sister but his parents didn’t want any more children.

“Well if it isn’t K-Keith K-Kogane-e-e.” A cruel voice sounded in his ear.

Whirling around Keith was faced with three boys from his class. The ones that had laughed at him on his first day.

“What?” The tallest one quirked a brow, “C-cat-t got-t-t your tongue-e-e?”

“No.” Keith tried to stand firm. Like Shiro had told him. Feet shoulder width apart, chin set. But the boys just laughed at him.

The boys inched closer, “What, you think you can take us Kogane?”

They were trying to egg him on. Getting him talking. The stutter wasn’t that big of a deal. It only reared its ugly head when Keith was nervous or stressed. He had exercises to work through it. Lance liked to help him. Together they’d sit for hours, saying simple sentences until their voices were hoarse. But when was faced with situations like this all that practice went out the window. Clenching his jaw Keith said nothing.

That’s when the pushing started. The tallest boy shoved Keith back and he didn’t have time to regain his footing when another shove sent him flying backwards. He crashed into some of the bikes and felt something scrape along his arm. “Look at that! Stutter freak doesn’t even _try_ to fight back!” One of the boys jeered.

Keith managed to get up and he saw blood trickling down his arm. “Leave me a-alone-e!”

“Leave him aloneee!” The boys taunted. 

“Don’t touch him!” Came a fierce yell. Lance appeared in Keith’s line of vision. He wore a mask of fury as he shoved one of the boys away from Keith. “What has he ever done to you?”

“There he is.” The tallest boy straightened and turned his attention to Lance, “Knew you’d turn up sooner or later.”

Lance raised his chin, meeting the other boys’ eyes. Lance might’ve been shorter but to Keith he seemed ten feet tall. “I said don’t touch him.”

“You in love with him or something?”

A muscle twitched in Lance’s jaw. “So what if I am? He’s my best friend. And you’ve got no reason to pick on him.”

Trigger Warning: Homophobic Language

The three boys started to laugh. “So you admit it? You’re a fag?”

That’s when the punching started. Lance’s fist connected with the tall kids jaw. “Say that again! I dare you!”

Things went a little blurry after that. Keith remembered jumping on one of the boys’ back, yanking him backward and away from Lance. Eventually some teachers pulled them apart. They were sent to the nurse’s office for bandages and ice packs. Got a stern talking to from the principal. Told that their parents were called and should expect more lectures when they got home.

Lance remained stone silent through the exchange. When they finally got back to their bikes Lance wheeled his beside him instead of getting on it. A black eye was already starting to blossom on his right eye. Keith wheeled his bike along in strained silence. Eventually he swallowed his fears and asked, “Lance? Are you alright?”

His head whipped to face Keith. “Of course I’m alright. I should be asking _you_ that.”

Blinking for a moment Keith said, “Yeah. I think so.”

“They make me so mad. Just because their parents are rich they think they run the world!” Lance’s voice cracked on the last word. “I don’t know why they’re so mean to you.”

Keith listened to the clicking of his bike wheels. “I do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m weird. And awkward. And quiet. I’m ugly too.”

Lance dropped his bike and put his hands on Keith’s scrawny shoulders. “You aren’t! Like my mom says, you’re observant. And you aren’t ugly!”

“How would you know?”

Now Lance was getting frustrated, “You can’t listen to what other kids say. They are just jealous of you.”

That made Keith pause. No one had ever said that to him before. But maybe Lance was just being nice to him. They were friends after all. Perhaps he was bending the truth to make Keith feel better. “Stop that!” Lance flicked Keith’s forehead.

“Stop what?”

“Thinking!”

Keith’s nose wrinkled, “I’m not.”

Lance heaved a sigh and picked up his bike and continued to stalk home. “You are really annoying, you know that?”

Despite everything that had happened that afternoon Keith grinned. He picked up the pace and followed Lance home.

As predicted Lance’s parents were furious. Lance sat at the family dining table with his hands crossed in front of him. Keith watched as his knuckles went white. “They were being mean to Keith.” He insisted. “They started it!”

Lance’s older brother Marco laughed merrily. “You have always told us to stand our ground.” He offered to his parents.

Lance’s father snorted and received a glare from his wife. She seemed to wrestle with her next words. “Just promise me this won’t happen again.”

Lance nodded firmly.

“Good. Now go, watch your movie. The stress you boys have caused me…”

So Lance and Keith went down to the basement and watched _The Quest for Camelot_ with Lance’s younger siblings. By the end of the movie the whole group was asleep on the couch, Lance’s head cradled on Keith’s shoulder.

That wasn’t the only time Lance bailed Keith out of a bad situation. Or vice versa. All three years of middle school they were the outcasts. Lance was sort of into sports, but not so interested that he wanted to play any organized sports. Keith really liked music. He was in the band and had the misfortune to sing in the choir.

Keith got taller and gangly. His arms too long for his body and his feet growing before his legs. He had to get braces and his mother gave him a very unfortunate bowl cut. And a sneaking suspicion had been gnawing at Keith for a while now. While all the other boys had begun talking about girls Keith was thinking about the boys.

Some of the boys in his class had hit puberty early. He watched the curves in their necks, the way the muscles in their backs bunched and rolled when they changed after P.E. class. And he was… terrified.

Was he gay? Did he actually like boys? What would happen to him if people found out? He was already the butt end of everyone’s jokes. He couldn’t imagine how bad the bullying could get. So he did his best to ignore the way his body was changing and reacting.

But it was hard. Especially around Lance. His best friend for so many years already. And his best friend was certainly growing and changing as well. His hair was getting longer and curlier. It waved over his forehead and clung to the back of his neck. The baby fat finally retreated from his face, reveling high cheekbones and a sharp jawline. He was beautiful.

One night they were on the roof of Keith’s house, gazing up at the stars. Keith had gotten into another fight after school. Some of the middle school jocks cornered Keith under the bleachers. Said he was there to make out with a guy. In reality Keith had been down there trying to smoke a cigarette in secret.

The idiots had called Keith names. Degrading names. So he punched them. Maybe more than once. The knuckles on his right hand still stung. Lance inhaled deeply. “I’m surprised you didn’t get in school suspension.”

“The principal feels bad for me. She took it easy on me.” Keith’s voice had pitched deeper in the passing months.

Lance turned his head and looked at Keith carefully. “Are you going to tell me what they said to make you so mad?”

Swallowing thickly Keith shook his head. He couldn’t tell Lance. What happened if Lance ended up looking at him the way those bullies had this afternoon? Keith took take a lot of pain. But he couldn’t take losing his best friend.

Lance turned his eyes back to the stars. Then slowly his hand crept up to Keith’s. His thumb brushed ever so lightly against Keith’s bruised and bloody knuckles. “Well,” He whispered, “Whatever it was I’m sure they deserved it.”

Tears welled up in Keith’s eyes then. He did he best to hide it, but Lance knew.

Middle school dragged on. Keith and Lance’s distinct personalities started to form. Keith grew out his hair and never allowed his mother to touch it again. He got into bands like MCR, Fall Out Boy, Good Charlotte, you name it. The only place he could truly escape was music. His wardrobe consisted mostly of black. He allowed Veronica, Lance’s sister, to paint his fingernails jet black. He liked how it looked when the polish started to chip.

Lance on the other hand moved in an opposite direction. He became obsessed with skincare, roping Veronica and Keith into spa nights on the weekends. He practically glowed. Again, his wardrobe was a complete contrast to Keith’s. He loved bright colors and flowery patterns. Skinny jeans and oversized jackets. People that didn’t know them wondered how they got along.

Keith wondered sometimes too. A closeted gay kid a tad too obsessed with his best friend. He always went along with whatever shit Lance wanted to do. Without question. Keith’s punk friends liked to tease him about it. “God Kogane, you ever say no to that fairy?”

His jaw clenched. “Yep.” He hated how other kids talked about Lance. At this point he was used to people calling him names. But Lance was straight. He had already “dated” a few girls. Somehow gained the reputation of a player. Even at his age. His smiles were easy and abundant. His constant flirting made even the darkest of hearts warm to the touch.

Not that any of it made Keith jealous. No. That ache in his heart didn’t mean anything. He told himself that he was content to watch Lance from a distance. And maybe, just maybe he could come out. Tell everyone that he was gay. And find a boyfriend of his own. At the moment it seemed impossible. They were starting high school after summer. Middle school had been rough enough, what if high school was even worse?

And that summer, god that summer. Keith came to regret it in more ways than one. He got a part time job at the town’s library. It wasn’t much but Keith liked it. He got to hide amongst books and shelves all summer instead of being out in the sun.

Lance also got a part time gig, but his was down at the beach. He worked at the ice cream place. And when he wasn’t working he was out surfing. He got a ridiculous tan that brought out his light blue eyes. And while he had never been anything but stick figure skinny his stomach grew toned and hard.

Keith was a fucking mess. It was hard to be around Lance. He had such an effect over Keith. Of course other men turned his eyes but Lance was always at the forefront. So Keith did the dick thing and started to avoid Lance. Not in a way that was horribly obvious, no. He came up with excuses. Said he had to work. Or that he would get sunburned. It was lame. Of course. But it was better than Lance being right in front of him but just out of reach.

Eventually Lance noticed. He brought up one night on Facetime. Keith was back in Delaware for a week visiting extended family. “I miss you.” Lance said quietly.

Keith inhaled sharply. “I know. I miss you too. But I’ll be back next week.”

“I know that.” Lance rolled his eyes. His face and hair were matted up against his pillow, “I feel like we haven’t seen each other in a long time.”

“What about that time at the café?”

“Our parents were with us.”

“But we still saw each other.”

Lance’s huffed. “You’ve been avoiding me Keith.”

He swallowed. God he was stupid. Lance had known him for too long. He probably picked up on Keith’s disappearing act the second it started. “I uh-“

“Are you mad at me or something? Did I do anything wrong?”

“No! No of course not!”

“Then why Keith?” Lance sounded genuinely hurt.

He wrestled with a reply. “Its just…” He sat up in his own bed and ran a hand through his hair, “People say stuff. About me. About you and me. I didn’t want it to reflect badly on you.”

“Keith.” Lance turned his full attention to Keith, “You have to know that I don’t care about any of that. It pisses me off that people treat you like that. But… you have to know that I’m better than that.”

God Lance couldn’t do this to him. Dig into his heart and rip it out of his chest and watch it beat. “I know you are.” Keith kept his voice soft. He was afraid if he spoke any louder he would begin to cry. “But the things they say…”

Lance was sitting up now too. “You are my best friend Keith. You have been since we were seven. I know you better than anyone in the world. You aren’t any of the things that those people call you.”

Squeezing his eyes shut Keith forced a nod. But inside he was crumbling. Because what those bullies said _was_ true. Keith was gay. He was into boys. Had been since he could remember. How would Lance look at him if he really knew? “You’re right.”

“I wish I were there with you. So I could hug you. And maybe punch you in that smug nose.”

Laughing Keith wiped his eyes, “Its smug?”

“Like a pugs.”

And somewhere along the line Keith agreed to go to some party with Lance. It was in the next town over. Shiro, already graduated high school, knew they guy throwing the party. Lance had bugged Shiro enough to get him to agree to take them. As long as they promised not to drink.

The night of the party Keith had never regretted a decision more. This crowd was exactly the type he tried to avoid. Lots of jocks and devastatingly pretty girls. They could smell the weed before they even got into the house. Music pounded and shook the windows. Shiro smiled and moved into the crowd, searching for someone. Lance and Keith stood awkwardly by the doorway.

It was painfully obvious that they were younger than most of the people at the party. But Lance soon found his confidence and drifted into the crowd. He found Keith several minutes later. Two sweating solo cups firmly in his hands. “We said we weren’t going to drink.”

Lance shrugged, “What would a sip hurt?”

And so Keith had a beer. Then possibly another. Lance had disappeared and a taller guy soon pounced on Keith. A senior in high school. Tall, handsome and obviously gay. He flirted recklessly and Keith didn’t even try to keep up. This was the first time anyone had ever found him desirable. So maybe he played into it. Maybe he flirted back. Allowed the tall guy to take his hand and lead him to a quiet corner outside.

His first kiss was sloppy and fuzzy. Teeth clacked into teeth and another tongue worked into Keith’s mouth. He made some sounds and that seemed to egg the taller guy on. The kisses grew deeper. Keith couldn’t figure out what to do with his hands. The tall guy pushed his fingers into Keith’s hair. And god it was so wonderful. Some of it might have been the alcohol but Keith didn’t chalk it up to that.

He allowed the guy to push him up against the siding of the house. Those kisses seemed to cement everything for Keith. He hadn’t been imagining this. Being gay that is. For so long he had doubted it. Thought he just hadn’t found the right girl yet. But he felt more from this than he ever had in all his daydreams. His hands finally came up to grip at the other guys damp t-shirt.

Distant laughter drifted out an open window. Reality came crashing in. There were other people around. Including his big brother and best friend. No one knew. And Keith didn’t want to come out like this. He pushed the tall guy back. “I uh- I’m sorry…”

The guy looked slightly irritated. “Did I read this wrong? Are you not?”

“No I am- I really am.” Keith swallowed thickly, “Its just, I’m not out yet.”

“Oh.” The expression on his face changed drastically. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t!” Keith drug his fingers through his hair. “I just, I don’t know how to do this…”

The guy smiled. “Hey. Its ok.” He lightly traced Keith’s bottom lip. “Maybe I can help. Sounds like you need a person to talk to.”

Keith looked up at the guy in shock. “Seriously?”

He shrugged, “Why not? I could’ve used a person when I was struggling.” He stuck out a hand, “I’m Rolo.”

“Keith.”

And so began another type of friendship. Rolo walked Keith back into the party. Luckily no one seemed to notice that they were gone. “Keith!” Lance pushed through the crowd, “There you are! I’ve been looking for you. Shiro wants to bail.”

“Already?”

“Yeah. Said the person he was looking for isn’t here.”

“Oh.”

“He’s already out in the car. I’ll see you out there.” Lance turned and scurried back through the crowd.

Keith swallowed and tugged the edge of his shirt. “Damn.” Rolo said. He sounded amused.

“What?”

“You’ve got it bad huh?”

Keith felt his heart drop to his toes. “What are you talking about?”

“That kid.” Rolo pushed Keith’s shoulder, “You like him don’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Not to him.”

“Oh.”

Rolo rolled his eyes. “Give me your number. You can text me about it.”

So they exchanged phone numbers. “Thank you.” Keith said, just loudly enough to be heard over the music.

“No problem kid. I’ll take you out for coffee sometime.”

Keith nodded and then dashed through the party. And even though that bit of happiness had welled up in his throat a nagging fear tugged at him. What if someone had seen him? Figured out who he was and told his brother? He got back into the car and smiled tightly at Lance. The whole drive home anxiety grew in his gut. He needed to come out. At least to the people he most cared about.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t face Lance for days after the party. He had never been so scared in his life. Lance could so easily walk out of his life. And coming out didn’t seem worth it to him if he lost Lance.

A week after the party Lance came charging into his bedroom. Keith sat up in bed and searched desperately for an excuse. “Lance I…”

“Don’t.” Lance held up a hand, “You said you weren’t going to push me away anymore. And I know we shouldn’t have gone to that party! Ok? I get it. It wasn’t in your comfort zone. And I’m sorry! I won’t make you do it ever again!”

Keith stared at him in shock. “Lance that isn’t-“

“And I shouldn’t have pressured you to drink! That was a dick move. I’m a terrible friend and I understand that now!”

“Lance…”

“I said I would support you and I didn’t!”

“Lance!” The brunette finally fell silent. “That’s not what this is.”

Lance collapsed on the bed next to Keith, “Then what is it?”

“I kissed a boy. At the party.” Keith blurted.

Lance’s eyes went wide. He didn’t say anything. So Keith kept talking. “And I liked it. A lot. Because… because I’m gay.” He started to cry then. Because Lance wasn’t saying anything. “And I know that you’re probably angry and never want to talk to me again-“

Keith’s voice was cut off when Lance’s body slammed into his. Lance was hugging him. Pulling him in close, his face shoved into Keith’s neck. “Lance?”

“Thank you for telling me.” Lance’s voice was muffled, “I’m so sorry if I ever made you think I’d reject you over this.”

“Lance…” Keith returned the hug as tears openly flowed down his face. He felt like he could breathe again. They stayed that way a long time. Lance’s hands rubbed soothing circles over Keith’s back. “I should’ve told you sooner.”

“You didn’t have to tell me anything until you were ready.” Lance pulled back and wiped Keith’s eyes, “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Keith managed a smirk, “Its ok. I was being an asshole.”

Lance held out a pinky, just like when they were kids, “Pinky promise that we tell each other about the important shit from now on.”

There wasn’t a moment of hesitation. Keith wound his pinky around Lance’s and smiled. “Always.”

And Lance was there a month later when he came out to family. Sat on the couch and tightly held his hand. His parents had blinked for a moment. Then his mother said, “Wait, that’s it?”

“Um, yes?”

She put a hand over her heart and deflated into her husband’s side. “I was afraid it was something awful.”

Keith rubbed his free hand over his eyes. “Wait. You aren’t mad? Not even a little bit?”

“Keithy no.” His fathers soothing voice rumbled through Keith’s chest, “We are just glad you told us. We could never hate one of our own children.”

“Oh.” Keith looked at Lance. He felt a smile blooming on his lips. “Then I guess that’s it?” Everyone in the room laughed. Keith may have shed some happy tears. Lance was hugging him and Keith felt a massive weight come off his shoulders. No more hiding. He could be himself in front of his family for the first time in years.

“So are you and Lance dating?” His mother asked a while later.

“What?” They both cried.

“No, I mean…” Keith self-consciously drew into himself. Away from Lance. “We’re just friends mom.”

Lance’s face was flushed bright red. “I’m straight anyway.”

Ah. There it was again. That quick stab of pain. A throbbing that began in the center of his skull. His mother apologized and they all laughed about it. But that pain lingered. To have Lance at his side always but never to cross that final bridge.

“So uh, mom. Dad.” Shiro piped up. He was picking at his thumb. “I might have something to say too.”

Their father grinned easily. “What is it Takashi?”

Shiro seemed to wrestle with his reply. “I… I’m gay too.”

Again the room fell silent. Keith blinked at his older brother in shock. He had never once thought Shiro could be gay too. Was he joking? But Shiro blinked and a few tears leaked from his eyes. Keith had never seen Shiro look so scared. “I know that’s probably the last thing you wanted to hear. But… it seemed right to tell you.” He gripped his hands together and looked down at the floor.

“Takashi.” His father had gone serious, “Are you sure?”

Shiro merely nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Their parents looked at one another for a long moment. Then their mother burst into fresh laughter. “Two sons and they are both homosexual.”

Shiro finally looked up and met Keith’s eyes. God he loved his big brother. Now more than ever.

“You better find a way of giving me grandchildren,” Their mother continued, “Can’t let _all_ the good genes in this family go to waste.”

“Come here.” Their father got up off the couch and pulled Shiro into a tight hug. “Like I told Keith, we could never hate any of our children.”

Returning the embrace a muffled sob ripped from Shiro’s throat. The rest of that day passed in a blur. Lance left after a few hours, hugging Keith tightly saying he was glad that everything went off smoothly. Then the whole Kogane family went out for a long drive. They talked about everything. Shiro told them about Adam. A shy boy from the next town over. The pair had been texting for a long time. Shiro really liked him.

Keith nearly told his parents everything. About Lance. But that he kept close to his heart. He didn’t want to face the humiliation out loud. He vowed to keep pining after Lance in secret. It would hurt too much to acknowledge on the outside.

“Did you two want to tell anyone else?” Their father asked. It was night now. Streetlights illuminated everyone’s faces.

Shiro shook his head, “Not yet. I wanted to wait longer to tell you guys. Keith just beat me to the punch.” He lightly socked Keith’s shoulder.

“Sorry.”

When they got home their parents went up to bed and Keith wondered to his own room in a daze. He had imagined a lot of scenarios but nothing had prepared him for the reality.

As he was taking off his shoes Shiro knocked lightly on his doorframe. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.”

His brother sat heavily on Keith’s bed. “So. We’re both gay.”

“I guess.” Keith watched Shiro’s face for a long moment. Was he angry? “I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

“For forcing you to come out.”

“You didn’t force anything.” Shiro put a hand on Keith’s knee. “You just had more courage than I did. That’s all.”

Keith felt his eyes widen. “You don’t mean that.”

“Keith, I’ve known I was gay since I was a kid. I’ve been hiding it for so long.” Shiro rubbed his nose, “And I was going to keep on hiding it. Maybe forever if I could.”

“Why?”

Shrugging Shiro went on, “Because I didn’t think I needed to talk about it. I uh- and I don’t think anyone would ever want to date me anyways.”

“Shiro…”

“The older I get the more I see myself alone. So I never thought I would have to come out. Because I can’t find anyone.”

“But you’re starting college! You’re still so young! You can’t say you given up already. What about Adam?”

Shiro’s smile was horribly sad, “I don’t think it’ll ever happen. But as long as he’s in my life then I’m ok with it.”

They had so much more in common than Keith ever dreamed. Both of them so resigned to staying in their own bubble of suffering. Keith picked at his sock, “I think I’m in love with Lance.”

“Jesus Christ kid.”

Keith’s shrug mirrored Shiro’s. “Pretty pathetic huh?”

Shiro flopped down on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling. “I’d say we both got the short end of the stick.”

“Lance was the first person I told. I uh, I kissed a guy at the party you took us to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He’s nice.”

“He is? As in present tense?”

A flush rushed to Keith’s cheeks, “Yeah. I don’t know. He’s sort of like a mentor? We’ve been talking a bit.”

Shiro smiled happily at his little brother, “I’m glad you have someone like that.” As his eyes turned back to the ceiling they went dark again, “I’m sorry it couldn’t be me.”

“You still can be!” Keith yanked on Shiro’s shirt, “I feel like a dick. I had no idea you were struggling. I was so stuck in my own head.”

“You think so?”

“Yes!” He leaned over so he could meet Shiro’s eyes, “You’re my big brother. You also happen to be gay. We are so fucking alike its scary.”

Shiro was quiet for a long time before he said, “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

So Keith started his freshman year of high school out. Out and terrified. All the gossip about him over the years came back with a vengeance. Keith Kogane was actually gay. The bullying got worse. And he tried to endure it. He really did. But when you hear terrible things day in and day out you start to believe them.

Trigger Warning: Self-Harm

He thought he was hiding it fairly well. The cutting. Lance noticed. Obviously.

They were sitting in Keith’s bedroom one night. Shiro and his parents were gone. They were helping Shiro move into his dorm. So he and Lance ordered a pizza and settled down to watch _Jurassic Park_. Lance claimed that he wasn’t scared of the movie but Keith knew better. Lance had been horrified of the T-Rex since they were kids.

Lance had his face buried in Keith’s shoulder when the T-Rex made its first appearance. “Oh come on. Its not that bad.” Keith snickered, staring down at Lance’s head.

“Just tell me when its over.”

“Sure thing.”

The arm of his sweatshirt had been pushed up in the scuffle. His pale wrist was visible in the colors flashing from the TV screen. Lance saw the scars before Keith even noticed. Lance sat up suddenly and yanked Keith’s wrist closer. “Is this why you keep wearing long sleeves?”

Keith’s heart stopped. He tried to pull his wrist away but Lance held firm. “Keith! Come on! How long has this been going on? Why are you doing this?”

Finally getting his wrist back he pulled the sleeve back down. Clutching his hands to his stomach he shook his head. “I didn’t want you to find out.”

“Keith…” Lance reached over and paused the movie. He struggled for words for a moment. “Please talk to me.”

So Keith started to talk. Words tumbled out of his mouth. He couldn’t stop it. “You know I’ve been bullied my entire life. And I knew it would get worse after I came out. I knew it would. But it changed from people pretending to hate me to actually hating me. Just because I’m gay.”

“I’m quiet and awkward and weird. I’m in the band and I listen to pop punk and argue about Shakespeare with people in class. I try my best to stay in the background but it never works. I get picked on all the time. I hide it from you because… well because you deserve better than worrying about me all the time.”

At some point he had started to cry. “But I’m so sad all the fucking time. I feel so alone. Shiro is away at school now and my parents are great but everyone else _sucks_. And sometimes I just want it all to stop!”

Lance was crying too. He wiped desperately at his own eyes and grabbed for one of Keith’s hands. “Please tell that you, that you’d never…”

It took a moment for that to register in Keith’s brain. “No! No. I’d never... at least. I don’t think I would.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing to me?” Lance inched closer on the bed. He was wearing one of Keith’s older sweatshirts. Tiny ass little board shorts and thigh high socks. He looked so soft and rumpled. His hair was mused and even though he was crying Keith thought he had never looked more beautiful.

“Because I should have a handle on this?”

“Oh for fucks sake Keith.” Lance wiped his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie. “You don’t have to bear this all on your own. I don’t want you to.” He pushed up the sleeve of Keith’s sweatshirt, his fingertips gently traced the scars on Keith’s wrist, “You can at least tell me about me about this stuff. Talk to me instead of doing this to yourself. And if I’m not good enough then you could go to the, the school counselor or something. _Please_ Keith.”

He hung his head. “I’m scared.”

“The scariest part is asking for help.” Lance whispered. He was dangerously close to Keith now. His breath feathered out across Keith’s cheek. “We could always talk in the past. I want you to be able to trust me. Always.”

Keith lifted his head and said, “I do trust you!” And that was a mistake. Lance was so close. Keith’s stupid curly hair was mixing with Lance’s dark brown locks. “I do trust you.” He whispered this time. “I just feel so pathetic…”

“You aren’t.” Lance’s hands were on his face. Their noses brushed, “I think I care about you more than anyone else in the world.” Lance hardly had to whisper. Keith heard it crystal clear.

“I, um. Me too.”

Keith would remember the next few seconds for the rest of his life. Subconsciously he angled his body closer to Lance’s. One of his hands landed on Lance’s thigh. The other knotted tightly in Lance’s hoodie. Who pushed forward first he never could tell. But they were kissing.

_Keith was kissing Lance_.

Time seemed to stop. Keith felt Lance’s eyelashes flutter on his cheeks. His hand slowly slid up Lance’s thigh. His entire body shuddered. Slowly, ever so slowly, Keith mouthed his lips along Lance’s. Testing to see if he would open up into it. And Lance did. His mouth fell open with a gasp and his grip on Keith’s face tightened.

This couldn’t actually be happening. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t Keith’s real, actual life. Lance wouldn’t ever kiss him. Not in a million years. Keith moved his hand and gripped at the back of Lance’s neck.

  
Suddenly Lance moved. He positioned himself firmly on Keith’s lap. Now it was Keith’s turn to gasp. For a moment his hands faltered before they settled on Lance’s hips. The kisses grew deep and heated. More heated than anything Keith had experienced. He hadn’t experienced _much_ granted. But this. _This_.

It was going to drive Keith wild.

They parted, gasping for breath. Keith waited for in inevitable. For Lance’s eyes to widen. Wait for Lance’s mumbled apologizes and his scramble for his shoes and the door. But Lance didn’t do any of that. His fingers traced Keith’s face. Almost as if he was taking him in. “This scar here,” Lance said faintly, “You’ve had it for so long but I always forget that its there.”

“I think,” Keith forced out, “You are responsible for that one.”

“Am I?”

Keith gripped at Lance’s chin, “I think…” He pulled Lance’s mouth back down to his. He didn’t want the spell over them to break. Didn’t want Lance to pull away and never come back. Pushing his tongue into Lance’s mouth he savored the shudder than ran through Lance’s body.

Some part of his mind was screaming that he should stop. Because if it came down to it he knew he would regret this more than Lance would. He had loved Lance for so long now. And of course he had imagined this moment a thousand different times a thousand different ways. He hoped dearly that this was mutual. That Lance wanted to be kissing him.

And the way Lance’s body was responding he seemed to want this. When they pulled apart again Lance giggled, a little hysterically. “You’re my first kiss.”

“I am?”

Lance nodded, bumping their foreheads together. “Keith Kogane is my first kiss.” He sounded a little delirious.

“Lance? Are you ok?”

Pulling back just enough to look deeply into Keith’s eyes Lance said, “I’m more than ok.”

Keith smiled in spite of himself. “We just kissed. A lot.”

“We did.”

“And that’s ok?”

“Mhm.” Lance grinned, “I’ve wanted to kiss you. For a long time I think.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am!” He leaned into Keith a bit, “I don’t know when it started but… it’s been there for so long that I thought I’d always have to live with it. And I was too scared to do anything about it.”

“Why?”

“Because Keith! We’ve been friends for so damn long that I thought doing this would ruin everything.”

Keith paused. Had Lance actually been experiencing the same shit as him? All this time? They were both so terrified of scaring one another off that they had been ignoring their feelings.

Wait.

Did Lance actually have feelings for him?

The question welled up in Keith’s throat. His fingers danced anxiously on Lance’s hips. “So you just wanted to kiss me? That’s all?”

That made Lance bristle. “No. What, like we’re a couple of idiots in a circle jerk contest?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Keith swallowed thickly, “Do you-er. Do you like me?”

After a tense moment Lance burst into laughter. He yanked Keith into a tight hug. Keith felt tears trickle down his neck. Lance’s tears. “Of course I like you, you _dunce_.”

Keith’s head was spinning. After a bit he noticed he was crying too. For a long time he thought he was content with Lance just knowing he was gay. But even the shine started to wear off on that. Because underneath it all there was still that _longing_. That deep intense undercurrent of desperately wanting more. “You like me.” Keith said past the lump in his throat. “You actually like me.”

Lance’s head bobbed along his neck. “I do.” He angled his head so he could look up and see Keith’s face, “I’m assuming you feel the same way?” There was a hint of teasing in his voice.

“Of course!” Keith said it quickly. Too fast. He blushed furiously, “I mean. Yeah. I do. Like you that is.”

Lance snorted. “We’re kinda stupid aren’t we?”

“Yeah.” Keith looked down at Lance, “Are you gay too?”

The other boy sat up. His hands rested on Keith’s stomach. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh.” For some reason that stung.

“I don’t know what I am. And it scares me.” Lance seemed to deflate, “That’s why I’ve been so scared to do this. Tell you.” He knotted his hands together, “But I know what I feel for you. That’s real. I want you to know that.”

Keith brushed his fingers across Lance’s face. “I don’t doubt that. I trust you Lance.”

Lance sucked in a shuddering breath, “You do?”

“Yeah I do. And you don’t have to put a label on it. No one if forcing you to.” He smiled and pushed up Lance’s chin, “I’m so happy. So fucking happy.”

The smile on Lance’s face warmed Keith’s heart. “Me too.” He looked back at Keith’s wrist. Slowly he raised it to his lips and kissed the scars. “I’m here for you. Always.”

Blinking back tears Keith pulled Lance’s lips back down to his. “Always.”

And so Keith and Lance started dating. For real. His mother had done the whole “I told you so” bit but she seemed genuinely happy for them. “Lance my love, you’ve been a part of this family ever since we moved here,” She had said, “I’m very happy for the both of you.”

Shiro took the news well. He cackled over the Facetime call. “Wait, wait. So you two actually confessed?”

Keith blushed and glared at his brother. “We did. So what?”

“I thought you’d be miserable and pining forever baby brother.”

“It was kinda my fault,” Lance replied jauntily, “I kissed him first.”

Shiro’s gaze went a little sad, “Are you two going to go public?”

Again Lance answered, “It won’t be all that different from how we usually are anyways. I’m a little scared. Ok. Maybe a lot scared. But I really, really like Keith. So what could be wrong with that?”

Keith’s heart stuttered in his chest. He would never get used to that. The fact that Lance actually felt things for him. A smile spread across Keith’s face. God he was head over fucking heels. He was powerless to stop it.

But the first time they held hands in the hallway Keith was so petrified he could hardly move. It seemed thousand of eyes were trained on them. Every single move they made. “You ok?” Lance whispered.

Forcing a tight nod Keith mumbled, “Yeah. We got this.”

Lance smiled. “We make a good team.”

It wasn’t easy. The taunting got worse. The words hurt but Keith was used to it. Lance wasn’t. They spent a lot of lonely nights in Keith’s room. Keith would cradle Lance close and hold him while he cried. “Is this what its like for you?” Lance asked one night, his sobs finally calmed down.

“Yeah.”

“I never knew. Not really.”

“I wanted to keep you from it.” Keith tried to keep the anger out of his voice, “I never wanted you to be on the receiving end of this.”

Lance kissed Keith softly, “Hey. We are in this together right? It hurts like hell, the things that they say. But you make me happy. Happier than the pain.”

God. When would this ever get easier? To accept the feelings Lance so easily gave him? “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“I don’t either.” Lance nestled back into Keith’s side, “Hey Keith?”

“Hm?”

“I’m going to start seeing the counselor at school. And uh- maybe a psychiatrist.”

“You are?”

Lance inhaled deeply. “Yes. My mom thinks I’m depressed.”

“Are you?”

Sitting up Lance drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly. “I think so.”

Keith’s entire heart broke then. “Lance…”

“I know right? It’s so stupid. Because I should be happy. And I am! The happiest I’ve ever been. Because I’m with you. But at the same time everything sucks so bad.”

Scrambling to face him Keith tried to pry Lance out of the fetal position he was in. “Lance look at me.” The brunette stubbornly shook his head. So Keith let his head lean on Lance’s knees. Their foreheads touched. “Its ok. You told me the same thing. Remember? Its ok not to be ok.”

Eventually Lance lifted his head and look sheepishly at Keith, “You aren’t mad at me?”

“Of course not. How could I be? I deal with the same shit every single day.”

“So we’re both fucked up?”

Keith laughed ruefully, “It would seem so.”

And Lance finally smiled. “Would you go see someone? If I asked really nicely?”

He considered that for a moment. “Maybe if you kissed me.”

“Is that all it takes?”

“Kiss me and find out.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

It took a little more convincing but Keith did go see the counselor at school. He said for only one session. He went to a second one to humor Lance. The third he went because he wanted to. Eventually he was seeing Dr. Ulaz once a week. The man was kind and gentle. He never once judged Keith for the things he did or felt. Never once did he pry for information. The man was patient. He waited until Keith got the stories out himself. And slowly but surely Keith felt that things might get better.

Dr. Ulaz did start him on some pretty powerful antidepressants and for a long time they took a lot out of him. He was always tired and pretty lethargic. But eventually he started to sleep better. Not every single day was a bad one. And he and Lance were getting stronger every single day.

Lance was seeing a psychiatrist off the school campus and was on his own rigorous trial of antidepressants. Slowly and together they crawled up an almost vertical slope and got better. Step by step. Inch by agonizing inch.

“Babe?” Lance asked one night, well into their sophomore year. They had just celebrated their one-year anniversary last month.

“What’s up?” Keith’s head was buried in his laptop. He had to finish this paper before midnight or his teacher would kill him.

“I uh, Thace and I… we think we figured out my sexuality.”

Stopping what he was doing Keith looked up. “Shit. Seriously?”

Smiling a bit nervously Lance nodded.

“Do you feel comfortable telling me?”

“Yeah. I’ve been sitting on this for a while actually…”

Keith shrugged, “Its ok. We tell each other the important shit. Remember? But only when we’re ready.”

Plopping down on Keith’s lap Lance inhaled deeply. “I’m bi. Bisexual.”

“That’s awesome babe!”

“You really think so?”

Keith pulled Lance down for a kiss. “Of course! I’m so happy for you.”

Lance’s answering smile was brilliant. So fucking radiant that Keith could hardly look at him. “Keith. I love you.”

_Shit._

_Shit. That was different._

“Oh my _god_.”

Lance blushed. “What? Did I say something?”

“Of course I love you too.” Keith looked up at Lance, feeling brand fucking new. “You mean it?”

“Yeah.” Lance looked at Keith carefully, “I have for a long time cowboy.”

“You did not just call me cowboy.”

Laughing Lance jumped off Keith’s lap and onto his bed, “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.” He quirked one flawless brow, “You gunna do anything about it?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.”

Keith got out of his desk chair and moved to the bed slowly. Heart racing he climbed on top of a ready and willing Lance. It began with kisses. Slow and deep and gentle. New and lovely. Keith slipped his hands up into Lance’s shirt and Lance’s deft hands teased at Keith’s pants.

Oh.

Was this it? Were they finally going to take things that far? They had… helped one another out before. And the faces and noises Lance made were some of the most beautiful things Keith had ever experienced. But they hadn’t gone all the way yet. And Keith felt like it might happen tonight. Not that he was complaining. His parents were out of town and Shiro was still at school. Seemed like now or never.

They started stripping down and Keith moved his lips down to Lance’s chest. Keith felt hands pulling at his hair. “You are so beautiful…” Keith whispered. “I think about you all the time. The way you laugh and smile. The way you sound when I touch you here.” He palmed Lance through his jeans.

“Hm… _Keith._ ”

“Can we… do you want to?”

Lance looked at him for a long moment. “I’m absolutely terrified but… I love you and I want you, Keith.”

Keith let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. And he dove in. Devoured Lance with his lips and hands. Reveled in how close they were becoming.

And slowly they learned together. Took their time, explored all the different parts of each other that had been mysteries up until then. It was a little awful, given that it was their first time. Things hurt and didn’t fit quite right and they came a little too quickly but none of it mattered. Because they had each other.

In the quiet after minutes they held one another close. As their breathing leveled out Lance giggled. “What?” Keith asked, pushing his hair out of his face.

“That was… something.”

Keith groaned and closed his eyes, “We were both virgins up until like five minutes ago.” He cracked open one eye, “We just need a bit of… practice is all.”

“Keith Kogane. You can’t possibly be suggesting we have even _more_ sex.”

After a moment Keith rolled back on top of Lance. He took a moment to take his boyfriend in. There was still a fine sheen of sweat covering his body. Those blue eyes Keith loved so much glowed. Lance hadn’t cut his hair in a while; it hung over his ears and forehead in loose curls.

He let his fingers drift down Lance’s stomach. Lance had taken up dancing as a hobby and jokingly tried out for the schools dance team. He actually made the team. When he found out he laughed it off and tried to move on. But Keith had said he should try it out for a couple of practices. So Lance had. Ended up really liking it. Stayed on the team and wowed Keith at every single football and basketball game.

Lance’s body held all that hard work in all his curves and ridges. A toned stomach, strong legs and graceful arms. “I love you.” He whispered. “So much.”

“I love you too Keith.”

There wasn’t much talking after that.

Sophomore year bled into junior year. Keith was starting to discover just how much he loved literature. He got into Edgar Allen Poe, Shakespeare, Homer, James Baldwin, and Jane Austen. His father introduced him to J.R.R. Tolkien and Seamus Heaney. Keith’s bedroom was filled with bookshelves overflowing with books and records.

Lance thought it was adorable. He’d sit and watch Keith read for hours. “Tell me again about _Hamlet_.”

Keith would. He’d sit there and talk and talk and talk. _Hamlet_ was Keith’s favorite play. “It sounds like Horatio is in love with Hamlet.” Lance suggested one night.

“Right?” Keith bounced up and down on his bed excitedly, “That’s what I’ve been saying! Hell its not even subtext! Its right there in the dialogue!” He went sad for a moment, “That’s what makes the ending all the more tragic.”

Lance pressed a kiss to Keith’s neck, “I love how you love them.”

While Keith flourished in a quiet academic area Lance grew bubbly, outgoing and confident. He got into music and mixed very song the dance team choreographed. On the weekends he volunteered at a college run radio station. After a month or two of that the professors in charge let Lance start his own show. Every Saturday night from 9 pm to 10 pm Lance was on air.

Keith would either be in the studio with Lance or he’d be listening from wherever he was at. Lance played all kinds of music. From indie to pop to metal. The collection of records in Keith’s bedroom was dwarfed significantly to Lance’s own collection. He had a bunch of his dad’s old stuff and others he collected. Where Keith could rant for hours about hidden Catholicism in Shakespeare’s plays, Lance could on and on about music.

“But have you really _listened_ to it? Its one of the weirdest albums I’ve ever heard.” Lance shoved a headphone into Keith’s ear, “I don’t really know what I was expecting but holy _shit_.”

A mellow song pumped into Keith’s ear. “The 1975 really released this?”

“I know right!” Lance was staring at the ceiling and taking the song in. “But if _A Brief Inquiry_ is this strange just wait until _Notes_ comes out.”

Grinning Keith turned his head and watched Lance’s face. He was so goddamn beautiful when he talked about his passions. Ever so gently he reached out and stroked a delicate finger down Lance’s face and neck. The other man was so entranced by the music that he hardly noticed. But a trail of goose bumps did rise along his neck.

_“And I couldn’t be more in love_. _”_ Matty sang.

Keith felt tears spike in his eyes and he looked back up at the ceiling. He couldn’t agree more.

Senior year seemingly came and went without incident. Keith and Lance were the token couple of the school. They had been together longer than the head cheerleader and the quarterback. They didn’t regulate their relationship by the changing of the seasons or petty arguments. What they had was solid and seemed once in a lifetime. It made other kids exceedingly jealous. Lance’s older brother Marco liked to joke that the younger men were like a Hallmark movie.

Keith would go along with the jokes and jibs but secretly agreed. He had been dating Lance for over three years at that point and it still didn’t feel real. Seemed his entire life Lance had been there. All through his adolescents and the beginning of his adulthood. Keith hated to imagine a life without Lance in it.

And truth be told he still got scared. Senior year was scary for a lot of different reasons. So many things were coming to an end. Soon they’d strike out into the great wide world and finally start their lives. Of course Keith and Lance applied to all the same colleges and got accepted into all of them. And of course they were going to the same college.

But what if when they got there Lance realized he could do better than Keith? It happened to couples all the time. They would be together for most of high school and swear college wouldn’t change them. But college always changed people! That was the whole point.

And Lance could do better. Keith knew it in the back of his mind. Lance needed someone bubbly and loud and confident, just like him. Keith was too quiet. Too awkward and anxious. He’d rather spend his days engulfed in a book than going to a party.

Over and over again he tried to convince himself that Lance wouldn’t leave him over something like that. They loved each other. For years now. That love had to mean _something_. Didn’t it?

“Go to prom with me.” Lance said one night.

“Wait. Really?”

“Yeah.” Lance toyed with a stray string on his pants, “We didn’t go last year because we had other things going on… but it’s our senior year. My mom keeps telling me that I shouldn’t miss out on the experience.”

Keith blinked. Then burst out laughing.

“What?” Lance flushed a deep shade of pink, “I know it’s dumb. I mean who actually wants to stand around in a ill fitting suit for a couple hours-“

Continue to laugh Keith dug around his backpack and pulled out two tickets. Handing them to Lance a bit shyly he replied, “I was going to ask you later.”

“Really?” Lance’s eye lit up. “You want to go?”

“Only for you.” Keith smiled and shrugged, “Besides, my mom kept telling me the same shit.”

Lance leaned over and kissed Keith quickly, “Have I mentioned lately that I love you?”

“You could stand to do it more.”

A month later Keith and Lance walked hand in hand into the gym. It was already bustling with activity. The dance wasn’t until later that night but pictures were in the early afternoon. Too much perfume and body spray instantly assaulted Keith’s nostrils. Anxiety drifted off almost every person in the gym. Girls fretted over their hair and makeup. Their dates stood off at a distance, most already tugging at their ties.

A hush fell over the crowd. All eyes were trained on Keith and Lance. “This is embarrassing.” Keith mumbled into Lance’s ear. In the last couple of months Keith hit a late growth spurt. He now had a couple inches on Lance. Which he totally didn’t lord over Lance every chance he got.

Lance smirked. “I think its kinda fun. I mean look at all the football jackasses. They look like cheap imitations of celebrities. And we look good as fuck. That’ll teach them a thing or two next time they’re jerking each other off in the locker-room. Who’s the queer now?”

Smothering a laugh Keith glanced around the gym. A lot of people were looking at them. A couple of girls even looked jealous. Keith had Lance take the reigns in picking out their suits. And he had done a damn good job. They were both in all black, save their ties. Keith’s a bright red and Lance’s a deep blue. Veronica had even talked Keith into doing his hair. She put French braids up the sides of his head and wrapped the excess hair into a high ponytail. The ends just drug the base of his neck. He hadn’t realized how long his hair had gotten until that moment.

“Alright boys!” Lance’s mother came charging into the gym behind them, “Time for photos. Don’t give me that look Keith. You are dating my son for crying out loud. You should’ve seen this coming.”

Laughing merrily Lance trailed after his mother, a death grip on Keith’s hand. It was the only sign that he was the slightest bit anxious.

For around half and hour the pair stood in front of various backdrops for both sets of parents. Both mothers cried at one point or another. Keith’s father approached Keith just before the younger two went out to eat. “You be safe now, you hear?”

Smiling Keith replied, “Of course dad.”

A solid hand landed on Keith’s shoulder, “I love you Keith.”

Looking up at his dad a bit strangely Keith grinned. “I love you too dad.”

If Keith had the ability to time travel, he would go back to that moment. He pictured it in his brain a thousand different ways. The thing he would say, what he would do differently?

Because when Keith left the gym that afternoon he had no idea that would be the last time he would see his father alive.

His mother didn’t tell him until after the dance. She rationalized that he would need that night. To have fun with his boyfriend. Eat too much and dance badly and do all the stupid shit kids in high school do.

When he got home at four in the morning he was ready to collapse in bed and not wake until well into the afternoon. At the time he hoped his parents were in bed. He looked a little too disheveled for just dancing. (But who cares if he and Lance dipped out on the dance a little early anyways? No one even noticed that they had left. And it was no ones business but their own that they had driven Keith’s car a ways out of town and had a little too much raunchy car sex.)

But when he opened his front door he found his mother sitting stiffly in the living room. Like a robot she turned to him, her eyes glassy. “Keith. Did you have fun?”

“Mom? What’s wrong?” Just then Shiro came walking out of the kitchen. He felt his heart stop. “What’s going on? Did something happen?”

Their mother went back to staring out the window. Shiro watched her for a moment, his lips pressed into a thin line. “Keith.” Shiro walked up to his baby brother and wrapped him into a tight hug, “Dad had a heart attack… the doctors did everything they could but…”

Pushing out of Shiro’s arms he stared up at him in shock. At that moment he looked so much like their father. The same eyebrows and angular jaw. Even the set to his eyes. “Dad’s dead?”

Their mother burst into uncontrollable sobs then. “No. He can’t be! He was fine this afternoon!”

Shiro swallowed hard, “I know kid. But heart problems kinda run in our family…”

Backing away from his big brother Keith ran into the front door. The sounds coming from his mom were too much. Then reality came crashing into Keith like waves. His father was gone. The strongest man Keith had ever known, just. Gone. It didn’t seem possible. How could it be?

Their father exercised regularly and kept up a healthy diet. Hell he had been to the doctor last month and had gotten a check of good health!

Memories slammed into Keith like a concrete wall. Keith at five years old screaming happily as his father tossed him into the air and caught him. Sitting in the fire truck and being able to turn on the siren. Looking back up and into his fathers smiling face.

His gentle acceptance of Keith’s sexuality and mental health troubles. And he was just gone. Tears filled Keith’s eyes. They started to drip off Keith’s chin and onto his suit. Shiro tried to pull Keith back into another hug but he pulled back.

Desperate eyes sought out his mother. He wanted to be reassured by her. Wanted to be pulled into her arms and told it would be ok. That they would get through this as a family. But his mother continued to sob. Keith felt like he might be sick. The house was too suffocating. He spun around and flung the front door open and ran down the front walk. Distantly he heard Shiro calling after him but he didn’t stop.

His first thought was to head for his car but he looked up at the house across the street. The light in Lance’s bedroom was still on. Choking on a sob Keith ran across the street and to the back door of the McClain house. They never kept this door locked. Ten minutes ago Keith had walked Lance to this very door and kissed him goodnight.

Stealing as quietly as he could through the mostly silent house he made his way upstairs. The door to Lance’s room was open just a crack. Keith stood there for a moment, chest heaving. His dad was dead. His dad was dead.

Lance was humming softly. He had most of his suit striped off at that point. He still looked so goddamn happy and beautiful.

Keith pushed open the door and then closed it, bracing his palms on the wood. “Keith?” Lance sounded surprised, “What’s going on? Did you get locked out of your house again?”

His dad was dead.

A sob ripped out of his throat and Keith collapsed on the floor in a heap of expensive dress clothes. “Keith? Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me!”

Keith allowed Lance to push him around. Tearfully he looked up at Lance’s worried face, “My dad had a heart attack. He uh- he’s, he…” He couldn’t say it out loud. That would make it real.

But Lance got the message. His face paled. His own eyes filled with tears. Pulling Keith into a tight hug Lance rubbed his back and just let Keith cry.

The next week passed by in a blur. There was a funeral to plan and it seemed like Keith and Shiro would have to do most of the work. Their mother had gone up to her bedroom and shut herself inside, buried in her grief. It was like Keith shut down. Instead of facing the torrent of emotions he pushed them away. He could think about them later. After the funeral maybe. Or never.

Through it all Lance was at his side. Making sure he ate and drank. Had Keith come stay at his house so Keith didn’t have to face the penetrating silence of his own home.

The day of the funeral it was sunny and cloudless. Didn’t seem right considering Keith had bury his father. The ceremony was brief and simple. Just like their father had been. Practically every firefighter within a 50-mile radius had shown up. Keith’s father hadn’t been beloved just by his own family. His gracious heart and understanding smile touched everyone that knew him.

Shiro and Keith stood stiffly by the graveside. Shiro was helping to hold their mother upright. It had taken him an hour just to get her out of bed and to the funeral. But seeing her husbands coffin lowered into the ground seemed to break that last part of her heart. She started to cry so hard she couldn’t hold her own weight anymore. Shiro’s face went grim and he quietly and carefully led her back to the car. “She doesn’t need to see this.” He had whispered softly in Keith’s ear.

And Keith understood. He did. His parents loved one another. They seldom fought and understood each other better than anyone Keith had ever seen. But at that moment anger welled up inside of him. It was so strong it nearly brought him to his knees. Where had his mother been? Huh? Why did she get to break down and leave all this to her sons? She hadn’t said a word to Keith in over a week.

Tears welled up in his eyes and he clenched his hands together. “Hey,” Lance materialized at his side. He gently pried Keith’s fingers apart, “I’m here. I’m not going to leave you.”

Leaning his head down he buried his face in Lance’s neck. He didn’t have to do this all on his own. Not right now.

After the funeral Keith, Shiro and Lance went back home. Shiro brought their mother back up to her room and numbly came back down the living room. Collapsing on the couch he wearily eyed one of the many flower arrangements over crowding the coffee table. “We should donate some of these.” He said, mostly to himself.

Lance sighed and curled into Keith’s side, pressing a kiss to his neck. Despite everything that had happened over the past week Keith managed a small smile. Just as he was about to lean his head against Lance’s the doorbell rang. “Fuck.” Shiro mumbled. “Your turn or mine?”

Heaving a sigh Keith stood. “Mine.”

Padding to the front door Keith opened it, expecting another well wisher with a casserole that wouldn’t get eaten. Instead Keith looked up at a young man with dark skin and glasses. He pulled a hand through his sandy hair, “Hi.” He offered.

“Um. Hey.” Keith wasn’t sure what to make of this. Did the guy have the wrong house?

The guy winced a bit, “Sorry, uh. Is Shiro here?”

Shiro seemed to appear out of nowhere. “Adam?” He asked breathlessly.

Adam only had eyes for Shiro. “Hi. Hey.” Opening his arms he pulled Shiro in close. “I’m so sorry I missed the funeral… I couldn’t get a flight out until this morning.”

Shiro merely shook his head against Adam’s shoulder. “It doesn’t matter.” Shiro’s voice cracked. “You’re here now.”

A sad smile fluttered across Adam’s face, “Yeah. I’m here.”

Shiro finally broke then. Great sobs ripped out of him. Adam held fast and softly stroked his hair.

“Hey.” Lance pulled gently on Keith’s hand, “Come on. Let’s give them some privacy.”

They went back over to Lance’s house. The rest of his family had been home for a couple hours now. Lance’s mother smiled at the both of them. “Hello Keith. I’m making supper soon. Will you be staying?”

“I think so.”

She kissed Keith on the forehead. “Alright dear. I’ll set out a place for you.”

“Thank you.”

Waving a hand she turned back to her cookbook, “My pleasure dear.”

Back up in Lance’s bedroom Keith pulled off his suit in favor for joggers and one of his father’s sweatshirts. “Come here babe.” Lance said, patting the bed. Keith collapsed on the bed, resting his head on Lance’s chest. He closed his eyes as Lance started to hum. His hand drifted through Keith’s hair.

“I love you.” Keith said on a breath.

There was a smile on Lance’s voice when he answered, “I love you too.”

Two months later Keith and Lance graduated high school.

Keith’s mother didn’t come. But luckily Keith had the McClain’s. No one in the family seemed to mind that Keith had practically moved in. One night Keith had heard Lance’s parents talking. “I can’t understand it. She’s completely shut down.”

“She lost her husband.” Lance’s father replied gruffly, “She’s in a bad way.”

“I’m glad Keith and Lance have one another.”

“As am I.”

“Do you think we are babying them by allowing Keith to stay here?”

It was quiet for a long time. Then Lance’s father said simply, “No. They may be young but they love each other. This is the best place for Keith right now.”

“Congrats baby brother.” Shiro’s voice cut through Keith’s musings.

“Thanks Shiro.”

Adam stood quietly at Shiro’s side. He had been a constant presence in Shiro and Keith’s life lately. A week after the funeral he and Shiro had flown back to school. They were both about down with their senior years as well. “Congratulations.” Adam said softly. Everything the man did was quiet and gentle. Keith really liked him.

Keith pulled Adam into a hug, “Thank you. For everything.” A silent understanding passed through the two men. Adam had been keeping Shiro steady in the past couple of months. And even if they weren’t saying anything Keith knew that they were together. Keith was incredibly happy for his big brother.

“Keith! We gotta take more pictures!” Lance hollered happily.

Smiling at the two older men Keith drifted off. Some of the smiles were forced but Keith did find that he was having a good time.

Later on that evening Keith stood off to the side in Lance’s backyard. Of course they were having a joint graduation party. If had been up to Keith he would’ve sat this out but Lance wouldn’t let him. “You need some happiness right now you stubborn shit head. So let’s get a joint cake and make everyone cringe.”

Lance was laughing stiffly with a group of extended family. A lot of them weren’t happy about Lance dating Keith. But they had to make appearances so they tactfully ignored it.

“Sup kid.”

Glancing to his right Keith grinned. “You actually came.”

Rolo rolled his eyes and grinned. “This sounded like a dumpster fire, of course I came.” He handed Keith a card, “I’m sorry about your dad.”

Looking at his shoes Keith managed a shrug, “Thanks.”

“Well, I’m going to take advantage of the free food. Talk to you soon kid.”

“Yeah, you too.”

“Was that who I think it was?” Lance asked as he walked up to Keith’s side.

Keith smirked, “Yeah it was.”

“You invited the guy you made out with a party years ago to our grad party?”

“He’s my friend!” Keith teased. “Is it just me or are you getting jealous?”

“Hell I’m not _getting_ jealous. I am jealous.”

The look on Lance’s face made Keith laugh out loud. The first genuine laugh in weeks. Lance had stopped and looked at Keith for a moment. Then he smiled happily. “I haven’t heard you laugh in so long…”

The mood went somber again. “I just wish he were here.” Keith whispered.

“I do too.”

The summer passed in a blur. Keith worked in the local library as he had been for years now. Lance and his mother were a flurry of college planning. There had been a bit of push back when Lance’s parents found out that Lance and Keith were sharing a dorm room. But Lance had argued that he and Keith had been living in the same room for months anyways.

Keith didn’t really give a shit about what the dorm room looked like. He just wanted Lance there with him. Lance was appalled by Keith’s general disinterest. So he enlisted his mother and got to work. He forced Keith to choose only his absolute favorite books to bring. It was a process that took several days.

But Keith made Lance do the same thing with his records. Lance agonized for weeks over which ones he should bring. And come August 90% of the crap Keith and Lance were bringing with them were books and vinyl.

They pushed the two twin beds together and half lofted them. The dressers went beneath the bed and the desk sat at the ends of the beds. The other side of the room was engulfed with a bookshelves filled with Keith and Lance’s collections.

Lance’s mother wept as she said goodbye. “Come here my boys.” She gathered them up in a bone-crushing hug. “I love you both so much. Please don’t do anything stupid. And we are only an hour away.” 

“Mom we know!” Lance giggled and kissed her cheek, “We are going to be just fine.”

“Don’t worry Mrs. McClain, I’ll keep him in line.” Keith jibbed. He tried to keep his voice light. He tried to ignore that his own mother wasn’t here for him. Or that she hadn’t been there for him since his father died. Thinking about it too much hurt. Better not to think at all.

Everyone laughed and after much coaxing Lance’s parents finally left the room. Lance stood for a moment and then smiled. “Well, you ready for this McClain?”

Keith took Lance’s hand. “Yeah I think so.”

Together they started college. As they did most thing. Together. They had been paving through life at one another’s side for years now. It only made sense that they kept going on like this. And they loved each other. Life was easier together.

The other students at the university came to know Keith and Lance as a unit. They had been together since high school. Wasn’t that so romantic? They are so different but they understand each other better than anyone else. Isn’t that adorable? Just like when they were kids people perceived them together.

It was expected for the two of them to drift around campus hand in hand.

Everyone thought they were going to be together forever.

It warmed people’s hearts to see the dark, brooding Keith with the bright and bubbly Lance.

But what no one expected was for Keith and Lance to break up.


	2. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TIME JUMP TIME JUMP

**Seven Years Later**

“Yeah I rented a car. I’ll be up in about an hour.” Keith pushed through a crowd of people standing outside the airport. His eyes quickly scanned the surrounding area. “Anyone else show up yet?”

“Yeah a couple of people. Allura and Lotor just got here.”

Keith smiled, “I haven’t seen them in like a year.”

“They are excited to see you.” Shiro sounded content. Utterly happy. It set Keith’s mind at ease. “In fact, here’s Allura now.”

“Keith my love!” Her crisp British accent flowed through the static of the phone call; “We have to see one another more often.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy lately…” Keith located where the rental cars waited and headed over to find his, “You try reading and grading twenty senior thesis papers.”

Allura giggled, “Excuses Keith darling. Excuses.”

“Says the one that flounces around to parties for a living.”

Keith heard laughter over the line and then Shiro’s voice returned, “Be safe on the drive up. See you soon.”

“Yeah, see you soon.” Shoving his phone into his back pocket Keith finally found his rental car and unlocked it. Tossing his luggage in the back he started up the car and scrolled absentmindedly through his Spotify. Normally he’d make a playlist for his drive through the mountains but he had zero free time lately. He scrolled far enough that an old playlist Lance had made him popped up.

Keith’s heart clenched painfully in his chest. That was followed quickly by annoyance. How many years had it been now? Why did it still hurt so badly? Gritting his teeth Keith started the playlist and backed out of his parking space.

Call it nostalgia. His big brother was getting married. For a week he was traveling back into the past. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to revisit some old memories.

It took a bit to get out of the city but soon Keith was cruising up into the mountains. Rolling down the windows he turned up the volume and felt a smile cross his face. He hadn’t listened to some of these songs in years. Made him feel young again. Not that he was old yet. 29 hardly counted as old. But Keith had always been mentally older than his years.

That and Keith typically ran with an older crowd. All the professors in his department had at least twenty years on him. In fact Keith was one of the youngest professors on his campus. But hey, his boyfriend of nine years dumped him right before he finished his undergrad. The most logical choice at the time was throwing himself into further education. So onto grad school he went. A great position at a small private college followed quickly after that.

It was better not to dwell on it.

Pushing the dark thoughts aside Keith upped his speed a bit and took a deep breathe of mountain air. His ears popped as the altitude climbed. God he was excited to see his big brother. It had been too long. Adult life had hit them both hard. They lived too far away from one another. Shiro had stayed pretty close to California whereas Keith fled all reminders of his past.

He had always loved Delaware and hated to leave it. Made sense that he found his way back there. Once in a heated argument Shiro had accused Keith of running away, of running back home. Shiro was right of course. He was always right. But Keith ignored it. There was too much pain back in California. Everything reminded him of Lance. Everything.

That and Keith hadn’t really lived at home since his dad died anyway. Those layover months between the funeral and freshman year of college he lived with Lance. Because Lance had been his home. It didn’t matter where Keith was. As long as Lance was there next to him it all made sense.

So after he got dumped Keith was listless. Ended up moving in with Rolo for a while. Then found a cheap ass apartment that he spent the four years of grad school in. Now he had a quaint little house. It was mostly one giant room but it worked. Besides it was just Keith and his dog Kosmo. He didn’t need much.

Speaking of Kosmo, Keith couldn’t find a flight for his dog to accompany him on. Rolo was picking him up later that night and driving up. Keith was forcing Rolo to be his wedding date. He didn’t want to show up to this shindig alone. That and a lot of Keith and Shiro’s extended family didn’t know Keith was still single and bitter.

After mindlessly driving for another thirty minutes Keith rounded a bend in the road and saw the massive lake house. Adam’s family was rich as hell and had no problem with renting this place out for a week. There were well over fifteen bedrooms in the main house and there were _three_ mini cabins scattered across the grounds.

Shiro and Adam were staying in the main house up until the wedding. The wedding night they would spend alone in one of the cabins. After that they were flying out to Japan. Shiro had always wanted to see where their family had come from.

Getting out of his car Keith stretched and took a deep breath. It was a gorgeous day. Somewhere in the distance Keith could see the sun shimmering off of the lake. Maybe this week wouldn’t be so bad. He could get through this. Then it was back to Delaware and his private seclusion. He was always better off alone. 

“Keith!” A shriek carried over the lawn.

Glancing up Keith grinned when he saw Allura charging across the grass toward him. Opening up his arms he caught the shorter woman in his arms and swung her in a circle. “Hey babe.” Keith said happily. God he had missed this woman.

Allura smiled up at him, light blue eyes shining. “You are too thin darling!”

“We haven’t seen one another in a year and the first thing you comment on is my weight?”

She jabbed him sharply in the ribs, “Did you expect me to do anything else?”

“No.” Keith rested his chin on the top of her head, “You ready for this?’

“Of course I am. Adam and Takashi have been together for so long now. Lo and I had a running bet on how long it would take them to finally tie the knot.”

“And who won?”

“She did of course.” Lotor had joined them out on the lawn, “Have you ever known her to be wrong?”

Keith snorted, “Good point.”

Allura moved from Keith’s side to Lotor’s. They had been married for three years now. Keith hadn’t known the pair quite as well back then but had been at the wedding nonetheless. He’d gone alone which in hindsight had been a terrible decision. Ended up drinking too much and found a dude on Grindr and tried to fuck his sorrows away.

It wasn’t until Keith was lying awake later that night that he realized the guy looked like Lance. But not enough like Lance. Their hair was about the same shade but mystery guy lacked the golden highlights. The curve of his jaw wasn’t as sharp. And his eyes were brown.

Tears had pricked in his eyes so Keith woke the guy up and let him do whatever he wanted. It wasn’t until Keith was a shaking and crying mess that he finally forgot about Lance.

Sighing Keith forced his thoughts back to the present. This week was for his brother. And Keith was going to play his part. Smile and do all the small talk. Maybe have a roll around in the hay with Rolo, for old times sake. Because this is what Keith’s life had devolved to. Mindless fucks in the dark and moving on before the sweat had dried on his skin.

“Do you need help with your bags?” Lotor asked.

Keith shook his head, “Na. I’m good. Thanks though.”

“We’ll meet you back in the house,” Allura patted his forearm, “Better not keep Takashi waiting any longer.”

Taking another deep breath Keith opened up the trunk and pulled out his bags. He threw the clothing bag over his shoulder, heedless of how he might be wrinkling his suit. They had a week to figure out any wardrobe malfunctions.

Keith was Shiro’s best man, of course. Adam and Shiro had decided on blue suit jackets for themselves but Keith’s jacket was black velvet. And much as Keith hated to admit it he looked pretty damn good in it. But hey, when hadn’t he had an issue with his self-image? Also hence the black and gray tattoos that crawled up and down his arms, chest and back. Keith figured if he had something he liked to look at on his body he might like it better. Wasn’t really working.

Trudging across the lawn Keith opened up the front door and immediately heard his brother’s voice. “We are not going to skinny dip in the middle of the day! We are all in our thirties!”

Allura’s answering laugh echoed through the front hall. “Where is your sense of adventure dear?”

“Hey!” Keith called, dropping his duffle bag on the floor. Most of the shit he brought with him was for his dog. Didn’t need any of his professor wardrobe out here.

Shiro came around a corner and smiled. “Keith!” He was wrapped up into a bear hug.

Happiness bubbled up Keith’s throat, “Hey.” He let Shiro swing him around a bit. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too baby brother.”

Shiro looked very relaxed. There were fine lines around his eyes but it suited him. His hair had a couple of streaks of gray. It dismayed Keith a little. He didn’t want his stark black hair going white too soon. Adam emerged and smiled. Over the years he had settled into is body more. His gray eyes still held sway over whatever room he was in. Gentle as ever.

“Hello Keith.”

“Adam!” Keith yanked his soon to be brother in law into a tight hug. Adam laughed softly and hugged Keith back, “How have you been?”

“Well. How are your seniors holding out?”

Rolling his eyes mightily Keith replied, “I got five frantic emails from the same kid on the flight over here.”

“You made your rubric too strict.” Shiro quipped, draping an arm over Keith’s shoulder, “Its no wonder you make kids cry.”

“Its not too strict! It basically the same as what I given when I was in college!”

Shiro tweaked Keith’s nose, “I’m teasing baby brother. Teasing.”

“Shall I show Keith to his room?” Allura suddenly appeared at Adam’s elbow.

“Sure. Take some time to get settled,” Shiro smiled, so at ease. “We’ll be down by the lake whenever you’re ready.”

Keith slowly followed Allura up a grand set of stairs. The second floor opened up to a balcony that overlooked the first floor. There were massive windows that opened up to the lake in the distance. “You’ll be in here love.” Allura gestured to a doorway.

“Room? This is bigger than my fucking house.” Keith glanced around in disbelief.

“It’s the smallest one in the home.” Allura kissed his cheek and bounced off, “See you down at the lake.”

Setting down bags down Keith moved deeper into the room. The king size bed was dwarfed by the overall size of the suite. Off in one corner was a bathroom with a huge soaking tub and walk in shower.

Moving back out in the main part of the bedroom another dejected sigh left Keith’s mouth. At least his dog would have enough room to romp around. His windows also looked out to the lake and he saw his friends making their way down a huge dock.

Off to the left Keith could see where the ceremony space would be. Lots of pine trees and rose bushes. The guest list wasn’t huge but there would be plenty of space for everyone. The main floor of the house would function as a waypoint. Just outside the backdoor was a gigantic patio where guests would eat and dance.

Most of the week was left to last minute wedding shit. Not like forced parties where Keith would have to pretend to like people. Just some DIY projects Allura wanted to do. And of course the rehearsal and dinner afterwards. The wedding was on Thursday. Today was Sunday. Keith could do this. He could.

He felt a little grimy. Glancing behind him he eyed the shower for a moment. Hell, might as well take advantage of the accommodations.

***

Several hours later Keith sat around a bonfire nursing a beer. Lotor had cooked a fantastic meal for everyone and afterwards Allura insisted they sit down by the lake. Before the sun had set the bugs were awful but twilight brought on peace. Rolo’s bright laughter made its way into Keith’s musings. He had arrived a couple hours ago. “Your dog shit in my car!” Was how he greeted Keith.

“You did?” Keith asked his massive dog, stroking behind his ears. Kosmo simply titled his head and furiously wagged his tail. “Hey!” Keith allowed Kosmo to push him down to the ground and lick his face, “Missed you too bubby.” He looked up at Rolo and grinned helplessly, “I’ll clean it up.”

Rolo rolled his eyes, “Already did. Lets just say you owe me one. How about that?” The two men stared at one another for a tense moment. “You look good.” Rolo said, softer this time.

“Do I?” Keith struggled to his feet and dusted dirt off his sweatpants, “Because I thought I looked homeless.”

“Hm, maybe.” He stroked some hair behind Keith’s ear, “Should’ve worn those fancy glasses of yours. Hard to resist those.”

Keith put a hand against his heart feigning surprise, “Rolo. Do you have a professorship kink?”

“You know it kid.” Rolo lightly kissed Keith’s temple and then headed for the house. “Shiro! You asshole! Come give me a hug!” He cried.

Keith watched Rolo now, feeling safe to do so as Rolo was across the fire pit. The two men had been friends for years but their relationship hadn’t turned sexual until after Lance dumped Keith. The first couple of times it had just been for Keith to feel something. But as the years wore on it become a bit more. Never more than being causal fuck buddies but Keith was finally able to have sex with other men without thinking about Lance.

And the thought had crossed Keith’s mind over the years. Just getting together with Rolo that is. Dating him. But they both knew they deserved more. So it was fine that they got together for the occasional roll in the hay.

Kosmo’s nose nudged at Keith’s knee. He looked down at his dog and smiled. At least he had his dog. Stroking his head Keith pretended to be paying attention to the light conversation.

“I swear. Lotor forgot that it was a black tie event.” Allura smacked her husbands knee, “He showed up in business casual. I was positively _mortified_.”

“You also forgot to mention I was supposed to be in black tie.” Lotor tried to defend his honor. But a smile still lit up his face. He was so stupidly in love with Allura it was actually kind of sick.

Allura kept chattering and kept Rolo happily entertained. Glancing over at Adam and Shiro made Keith’s heart clench.

They were so wrapped up in each other that the rest of the world didn’t matter. Adam was perched on a log, one leg tucked underneath him. Shiro sat on the ground next to Adam with his head resting on his leg. Shiro was gazing up at Adam in a way that felt private. Keith felt almost guilty for catching it. Adam was running a hand through Shiro’s hair and whispering something to the other man.

Looking away Keith swallowed hard. He was so happy for them but god Keith was so lonely. Had been for seven years. Ever since the day Lance walked out of his life. “Keith!”

Blinking he looked up and realized Lotor, Allura and Rolo were all staring at him. “Sorry?”

“Come on man I’ve been trying to get your attention for like five minutes.” Rolo grinned and waved his empty beer around, “Be a dear and get us some more drinks?”

Keith sighed and stood, knees cracking. When did he get so old? “You all want something?”

A chorus of happy “yes’s” followed Keith as he made his way back to the house. There weren’t a lot of lights on in the massive house. It looked a little creepy sitting up on the hill. Kosmo happily ran ahead of Keith as he sniffed at the ground. Keith never had to use a leash with Kosmo. They had been together since Kosmo was a puppy. A loyal a dog as you could get.

Back up at the house Keith wandered around the gigantic kitchen desperately searching for the alcohol. He was so caught up in his search that he didn’t hear the front door of the house open. He did vaguely register Kosmo flying from his side. There was a scramble of paws and then a dull thud. Keith looked around for his dog. “Kosmo?”

“Hey boy!” Said a voice.

Moving from the kitchen Keith saw that his dog had tackled a newcomer to the ground. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry!” Keith couldn’t make out who the person was given his massive dog and the lowlight in the foyer. “Kosmo, come here!” His dumb dog turned to Keith as if to say, _“Look dad! A person!”_ Then he galloped over to Keith’s side.

The new guest got off the floor and ran a hand through his hair. It took his brain a second to catch up with his heart. “Oh.”

Lance McClain stood in the foyer. He was covered in Kosmo’s hair and staring wearily at Keith. “Hi.”

***

Keith woke the next morning with a pounding headache. Last night came rushing back at him in waves. “Hi.” Lance had said, tucking some hair behind his ear.

After another long moment the shock seemed to pass. “Oh um. Hey.” He hadn’t seen Lance in person for seven years. His first instinct was to rush up to Lance and pull him into a kiss. His body jerked a bit before he was able to stop it. Keith opened his mouth a couple times and then looked down at his dog. “Um. Sorry about him.”

“Its ok. Is he yours?”

Swallowing Keith nodded. “Yeah.”

Lance squatted and patted his knee. Kosmo flashed back to his side and fell onto his back, offering up his stomach for Lance to pet. “Hi baby.” Lance cooed. How the fuck was he so calm? Keith felt like his heart was going to fall out of his ass.

God Lance looked good. So good. His tan was deep and it set off his eyes. He had on a pair of black joggers and a tight white t-shirt. His hair was longer than Keith had ever seen it. It waved around his ears and the back of his neck. An elegant hand came up to brush his hair from his eyes. “Who’s a good boy?” Lance asked Keith’s dog. For a moment Kosmo’s tail stopped wagging and he looked at Lance curiously. “What’s his name?”

“Kosmo.” Keith managed to get out.

After another moment Lance stood and gripped at his backpack. “So uh, how have you been?”

“Well.” Keith ran a hand over the back of his neck. “And you?”

Lance smiled wanly, “Oh you know. Paying off student loans and shit.”

“Right.”

They stood there awkwardly for a moment before Keith finally came to his senses. “Can I show you your room?”

“Yeah that’d be great.”

Kosmo bounded along happily, only too stoked to have another person to pay attention to him. “Is anyone else here yet?” Keith heard Lance ask. And fuck it all to hell but Keith knew Lance too well, even after all these years. He was nervous.

“Yeah. Shiro and Adam have been here since yesterday. Lotor and Allura, do you know them?”  
  


“Haven’t had the pleasure.”

“They got here today as well.” Keith started to move down the hallway, past his own room. He was pulling this out of his ass. For one he had no clue Lance had been coming. So he was just leading Lance to a random ass room and he hoped someone else didn’t have a claim on it. “Oh and uh- Rolo’s here.”

“Really? Haven’t seen him in years.”

Keith cringed. He didn’t know why. “Yeah we’re uh…”

“Together?” Lance asked, all too causally.

“No!” Keith blushed. God he was almost thirty years old. Why was he acting like this? “He’s just my plus one.”

Lance smiled. “Cool.”

Keith picked a room that was a couple doors down from his. “Here you are.”

“Wait this all for me?” Lance reacted in a similar way to Keith, “This is bigger than my entire apartment.”

Managing a shrug Keith said, “Yeah I know. My room is huge too.”

Kosmo walked into the room. He spotted the bed and charged, landing in the middle of the clean white duvet in a puff of black hair. “Kosmo! God!” Keith went to go drag his dog off when Lance laughed.

“Its ok.” He set down his bags and took off his backpack and tossed it in a nearby chair. Keith realized he was staring.

“Oh. Um. We’re all down by the lake… on the dock. You can come out if you want.”

There was that lazy smile again. “Sure. Thanks Keith.”

He said nothing, just fled from the room as tears spiked in his eyes. Fuck. Was that this was going to take? Lance just _saying_ his name? Keith thought he had gotten better. It had been almost a decade! Who else takes that long to get over a breakup? Nobody in the entire fucking world! Lance clearly wasn’t still hung up on this.

Keith sailed through the kitchen and quickly made his way back down to the dock. “Hey! I thought you were getting more drinks!” Rolo pouted.

Ignoring him Keith went straight for his brother. “You didn’t tell me Lance was going to be here.” His voice cracked on Lance’s name. God. What was he? Twelve?

“Oh.” Shiro looked away from Adam. “He’s here already?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Keith was fully aware he was acting like a spoiled teenager. But he felt a little betrayed at the moment.

It was Adam that spoke next, “I asked him not to.”

“Why?”

Adam adjusted his glasses, “He’s my best man.”

It felt like all the oxygen had been sucked from Keith’s lungs. “He’s what?”

“You know Lance and I are very good friends,” Adam started calmly, “It only made sense. I didn’t realize it would affect you this much. If I had I wouldn’t have asked him.”

“It’s not affecting me!” Keith supplied too quickly, “I was just a little surprised to see him!”

“Who’s Lance?” Allura asked. She was a little tipsy. Her cheeks flushed a delicate shade of pink.

Rolo laughed and crossed his arms over his chest, “Keith’s ex.”

“Adam.” Allura chided softly, “What a horrible thing to do to Keith! And in secret too!” She paused for a moment, “Unless it is an elaborate plan to get this Lance person and my darling Keith back in bed together.”

“Lura! For fucks sake!” Keith blushed.

“I’m afraid there is no elaborate plot.” Adam answered. He directed his gaze back up to Keith, “I am sorry for not telling you sooner. But Lance is like a brother to me.”

Keith suddenly felt like an asshole. He scrubbed a hand over his face, “No, I’m sorry. I’m acting like an idiot.”

The group turned when they heard footsteps coming down the dock. And Keith’s traitor dog scampered up to Lance’s side. “Hey. Sorry I’m late. My flight got delayed.”

Adam stood and went over to wrap Lance in a hug, “Its fine. I’m glad you got here safely.”

After an apologetic glance Keith’s way Shiro got up and hugged Lance as well. “McClain. Its been too long.” Lance smiled up at Shiro and Keith had to look away.

“You haven’t met Lotor and Allura.” Adam started to introduce Lance to the rest of the group. Keith’s throat felt too tight. He went and sat at the edge of the dock and dangled his feet in the water. He spent the rest of the night gazing at the reflection of the moon on the water.

Kosmo rolled over and one of his paws landed heavily on Keith’s face. Groaning he sat up in bed, thoughts now come full circle. It was still pitch black outside. He checked his phone and saw it was five in the morning. Delaware time zones and jet leg were out to kill him. Now that he was awake he knew it was no use trying to get back to sleep.

He got out of bed without disturbing his dog and went into his bathroom. It took him a second to find his glasses in the dark. Setting the heavy frames on his ears he padded into his bathroom. Sleepily he brushed his teeth and wound his hair up off his head. It wasn’t too long at the current moment. When he left it down it just brushed his shoulders.

When he was teaching he liked to keep it up off his face. The other professors in the English department liked to tease Keith about the power he had over his students. A lot of freshmen took his classes just to make a pass at him. Honestly Keith found it a little enduring. Especially when the poor straight girls realized he was gay.

Back in the bedroom he dug around until he found a tight fitting set of sweat pants and a GBC t-shirt. It was funny looking back at it now. Shiro and Keith’s father had gone to Goldey-Beacom College. When he was offered a position in the English department he couldn’t really say no. He found his laptop and file stuffed full of rough drafts of senior thesis papers. Might as well try to get some grading done before the wedding stuff started later that day.

Quietly he padded through the house. Everyone else was still asleep. Probably would be for a while. They had stayed down by the lake until well after one in the morning. Once in the kitchen he flicked on some lights and dropped his laptop and file on the countertop. First things first, coffee. Keith without caffeine was a Keith no one wanted to deal with.

Turning on the coffee maker he decided to brew a pretty big pot. Once Lotor peeled Allura out of bed she would need at least three cups before she could function normally. Keith smiled softly as he thought of his friends. He had met them through Adam and Shiro. Adam worked in design and he knew Allura from her fathers massive company, Voltron. Allura was in charge of branding, hence getting to know Shiro so well. Shiro worked in digital design and did most of the branding for Voltron now.

Lotor and Allura used to be rivals. Their fathers owned opposing companies and they had grown up not liking one another. But according to Allura a few drunken one-night stands could change anyone’s opinion. Lotor now ran his fathers company and they both had friendly competitions over whose brand was selling more.

Keith gratefully poured a cup of coffee and went to sit at the counter. Most of his seniors were pretty promising. There were only six of them this semester. He taught at an extremely small college. Usually his upper levels classes were lucky to have twelve students. But that’s what Keith liked about his job. By the time students got to their senior thesis class they had been in the English department for four years. Keith knew all of them incredibly well. And had the added advantage of having taught most of them before.

One of his favorite students (he knew he wasn’t _supposed_ to have favorites but come on, he was only human) was writing over parallels between _The Iliad_ and _The Odyssey_ and _The Song of Achilles._ They were posing the question of whether the integral parts of the original epics were lost when transferred to a modern work like _Song of Achilles_.

Keith had never read _Song of Achilles_ and dove through it one weekend. Ended up crying so hard he had to drunk on a Sunday afternoon. It looked like their paper would be easy to grade. Their rough draft was around twenty-six pages so they would need to shorten it up a bit. Keith dug through the pile and found the rough draft and started to read through it.

By this point in the semester he had seen several rough drafts but had pushed his kids to get their final rough draft to him before the wedding. They only met for an in person class once a week, but Keith was going to be gone during a pretty vital time in the semester. He hoped to get the rest of this grading done by Wednesday and send his edits off to the kids. Once final edits were made it was on to the presentation portion. The presentations were much different than writing the papers. Keith had seen it countless times before. The paper a student turned in could be eloquent and flow perfectly on paper. But trying to take those twenty-four pages and turn it into a fifteen-minute presentation proved difficult.

Keith was so engrossed in his reading that he didn’t hear another person rummaging around the kitchen. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”

“Jesus!” Keith’s head jerked up and he nearly fell off his stool. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry.” Lance laughed, his voice still rough with sleep. He poured a cup of coffee and leaned back against the counter. “Kinda like having a Clark Kent moment.”

Right. His glasses. Keith shrugged and caught his pen before it fell off the counter. “Too much staring at computer screens I guess.” He made a mark before he forgot about it. He was having trouble trying to narrow down this paper. It was so well written and factual. Might even be better than his own senior thesis, “I really only need them when I read or work on my laptop.”

“You used to have your head buried in a book 24/7.”

Looking up he caught Lance’s eyes. Risking a smile Keith felt his heart stutter when Lance smiled back. “So what are you doing?”

Keith made a helpless gesture to the pile of papers around him. “Grading papers. Senior thesis papers. Gets kinda rough this time of year.”

“Interesting. You’re a professor right?”

“Yeah.” He tried not to think about that too much. Keith wasn’t very active on social media. It was hard to tell from his Instagram what he did for a living. So that meant Lance probably looked him up at some point. “At Goldey-Beacom. English.”

A sad smile crossed Lance’s face. “The same school your dad went to.”

Keith fiddled with his pen so he wouldn’t have to look into Lance’s eyes. “Yeah. I got offered the position right out of grad school. Seemed like fate or some bullshit.”

It went quiet again. Keith desperately wanted another cup of coffee but that meant standing up and going over to stand by Lance. He didn’t know if he could handle the physical closeness of it all. Lance seemingly read his mind and brought the pot over and poured Keith a warm cup. He quirked a brow and looked at Keith for a second too long. “The tattoos are new.”

“Oh right.” Glancing down at his arms Keith tried to make sense of the swirling patterns. Kind of hard to do when he was getting to gaze into Lance’s eyes up close. And smell that minty freshness of Lance’s body. “I keep them covered up when I teach so I forget that I have them.”

Lance walked back around the counter. With his back to Keith he said, “It’s a good look Dr. Kogane.”

For some reason Keith snorted. “I’ve been teaching for almost four years now and I still can’t get used to that.”

“I think its fitting. And your dad would be proud.”

Keith smiled. He did often wonder what he would think of the path Keith took in life. Hell it was a lot different than what Keith thought he was going to do. He graduated UCLA with double majors in English and Journalism. Didn’t really have any idea what to do with either one. Maybe it was a good thing heartbreak had pushed him to grad school. It lead him to teaching. And he really fucking liked it too. “So what do you do?” Keith asked. Of course he knew the answer to this question. He Internet stalked the shit out of Lance at least once a year.

“Oh. I run a couple of radio stations across the US. Mostly Seattle, LA. Just added another in New York pretty recently.”

“That’s incredible Lance.” He saw the look of skepticism on Lance’s face, “Really.”

“It has been fun. I guess I just miss being on air myself sometimes.”

“So why don’t you? Go back on air that is?”

Lance shrugged as he stared into the depths of his coffee, “Too busy I suppose. I spend a lot of time traveling back and forth. And now that New York in on the table…” He shrugged again. He looked out the window as the first rays of sunlight hit the lake.

Keith chose not to try and continue the conversation. This was the most they had spoken since that awful day senior year of undergrad. Keith didn’t want to push his luck. So he turned his attention back to the papers in front of him. Real life was still waiting behind his façade of normalcy. His students were counting on him to get this done.

The other man seemed content with sipping his coffee and staring out the window. Kosmo appeared at Keith’s side and yawned loudly. “Hey buddy.” Keith said softly. He got off his stool and rubbed behind his ears, “Do you wanna go outside?” At the word outside Kosmo perked and ran to the sliding glass doors. Keith opened them and followed his dog out into the early morning chill.

The weather would be perfect later. Allura said she wanted everyone to try canoeing on the lake later. Kosmo sprinted around in circles for a bit before finding a stick for Keith to throw. After a couple tosses Lance joined him out on the patio. “Its beautiful out here isn’t it?”

“It is. Makes me miss California. A little.”

“You did always seem to like Delaware better.”

All this past tense bullshit was wrecking havoc with Keith’s guts. It was so strange. Lance went from a person Keith knew everything about to a complete stranger. Eyeing Lance out the corner of his eye Keith sighed inwardly. He used to have every curve of Lance’s body memorized. Thinking about other people touching Lance, of getting to be that close to him, made Keith incredibly angry. Luckily he was pretty good at ignoring his feelings. So ignore them he did.

“So what did you think of Allura and Lotor?” Keith asked. Changing the subject would the only way Keith would be able to keep his hands off the man next to him.

Lance grinned. “I think they’re great. Allura is feisty.”

“She is. When we met for the first time she told me I looked exhausted and my hair was too long.”

“I don’t know what she’ll think of me when she’s sober.” Lance picked at his thumb, “I hope I made a good first impression.”

“I’m sure you did. That and Adam and Shiro love you. Allura could never not like someone they love.” Kosmo came back with a bigger stick and dropped it at Keith’s feet. “Where in the hell did you find that?” Keith wondered.

Laughing Lance picked up the stick and hurled it toward the lake. He still had a good arm. But hey, he had been the more athletic between the two of them.

After a couple more tosses Kosmo plopped at their feet, happily exhausted. Keith sat down next to him and slowly stroked the fur on his dog’s head. “I’m glad you weren’t completely alone.” Lance said suddenly.

“What?” Keith turned to look up at him.

Lance ran a hand over the back of his neck, “I mean… I um. I’m glad you had him. Kosmo that is.”

Keith felt his brow furrow. “Right.”

“Anyways!” Lance picked up his coffee and mug and turned for the house, “I need to shower. See you later.”

Keith watched after him. Confusion and hope bubbling up in his stomach like a toxin.

***

“You really suck at this.” Rolo said through his laughter. He was clutching his oar to his chest and wiping his eyes.

Keith groaned and slapped at the lake water as if it had personally offended him. “I don’t know what I’m doing! I told Allura this wasn’t a good idea!”

Keith and Rolo were sitting in a canoe in the middle of the lake spinning in slow circles. Allura and Lotor’s canoe was a speck in the distance. Adam and Shiro plodded along nearer to Keith and Rolo. Lance was out here somewhere too but in a solo kayak.

“I think you’re making it more difficult than it needs to be baby bro!” Shrio called playfully.

“Oh shut up.” Keith grumbled. It was hot out here. Keith hated the heat. He would probably end up with a sunburn and ruin all the wedding pictures. When Allura proposed they all go canoeing Keith had tried to protest. Said he was completely fine with staying back on the dock and babysitting his dog. But Rolo effectively ended that argument by hoisting Keith up over his shoulder and throwing him into a canoe. And here they sat thirty minutes later having made it about three hundred feet from the dock. Adjusting his sunglasses he said, “Should’ve gone out with Lance. At least he knows what he’s doing.”

“You want your ex and your current fuck buddy in a canoe together? What are you? Satan?”

Keith grimaced, “Right. Sorry.”

Rolo playfully flicked some lake water up onto Keith’s lap, “Jesus kid. You act like I just told you the worlds ending.” The older man went serious for a moment, “Talk to me Keith. That’s what I’ve always been here for.”

A long sigh escaped Keith’s mouth. He picked his oar up out of the water and watched droplets drip back into the lake. “I’m just overwhelmed. Seeing him. It’s been so long. And I’m pissed off because he still has such an effect over me.” He glanced shyly up at Rolo, “Its like I’m a teenager again.”

“Yeah I get it kid. Well. Not really. I know what you two had was indescribable. But I get why it would suck.”

Keith looked up at the clear blue sky. “But it’s just a few days. I can get through it. And then I won’t have to see him ever again.”

“Is that what you really want?”

A long moment passed before Keith answered. “No.”

“So why not reach out? Offer friendship at least. You two were friends for years before you dated.”

“Because I’m always going to want more.” The thought startled Keith. He hadn’t expected to say it. Now that it was out there he knew it was true. Deep down he had never stopped loving or wanting Lance. The breakup had come from nowhere and for years Keith existed in a state of shock. Then he moved on and pretended he had dealt with those feelings. But he never really had. They sat in his heart and festered and seeing Lance after all this time just made it worse. “I’m so angry.”

“With what?” Rolo asked, ever the comforting and stable voice.

“Lance. Me. This whole fucking situation.”

“Just see how the week goes. Maybe you two can find your way back to friendship. Or you part still not speaking.” Rolo leaned in a bit closer to Keith, “And if you do leave with a broken heart I can book a flight up to Delaware and maybe,” His fingers tripped up Keith’s thigh, “I can try and make you feel better.”

Keith snorted and yanked on a lock of Rolo’s hair. “You truly have no shame.”

“It always was my best feature.” A glint came to Rolo’s eye. He started to tip his weight back and forth causing the canoe to rock from side to side.

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Keith yelped, gripping the side of the stupid canoe.

Rolo laughed merrily, “Where’s your sense of adventure Kogane?” With one more mighty push the canoe rolled and sent both men into the lake.

When Keith surfaced he heard Shrio cackling. He sprayed water from his mouth and waited for Rolo to resurface. The second he did he leapt at the older man, threatening to push his head under. “Uncle! Uncle!” Rolo slapped at Keith’s arms and laughed.

“We were gone for five minutes and you two already overturned your canoe?” Allura tried to sound cross but Keith heard the amusement in her voice.

Keith relinquished his hold on Rolo’s neck. “Its his fault!”

Rolo swam up to the side of Allura’s canoe, “You know darling the water is just lovely this afternoon.”

“Oh no. Oh no, no.” Allura swatted at Rolo’s hands with her oar. But her own husband betrayed her. Lotor stood quickly and swung Allura up into his arms and then dumped her into the lake. Her shriek echoed off the trees. Lotor dived in smoothly after her. When she surfaced she said simply, “It’ll take hours to get my hair back to its natural state.”

“Don’t be so dramatic!” Keith swam over to her and smiled. He found his heart was lighter. Rolo was right. Maybe he and Lance could be friends again. The worse possible outcome was Lance walking away again. And that had already happened. Keith had spent seven years without Lance. He could handle a lifetime. He hoped anyways.

At that point Shiro and Adam abandoned their craft and joined everyone else in the water. “I still think we should skinny dip!” Allura suggested.

“Its broad daylight!” Shiro said once again.

“At night then!”

“No!”

Rolo swam up behind Keith and wrapped his arms around his waist. His mouth was close to Keith’s ear, “See? You don’t even need him. Not anymore.” He pressed his lips up against the back of Keith’s ear, “No matter what you’ll be ok.”

Keith leaned back into Rolo’s chest. “Yeah. You’re probably right.” But when Keith looked up again he spotted Lance. He was sitting in his kayak staring at the two other men. His normally cheerful face was clouded with what looked to be anger and dismay. When Lance noticed Keith watching him he quickly paddled back up to the shore. Ignoring Kosmo he walked up the beach and disappeared into the house.

***

Later that evening Keith was tasked with chopping up old pine logs. They were going to be the seats for the ceremony. Shiro and Adam said they could handle the chore but Keith insisted. Besides nothing like a little manual labor to get his mind off things. Straightening he looked at the pile he had created. He still had a ways to go but he didn’t mind. Tomorrow with Allura’s help they were going to set up the ceremony space.

Glancing up at the house he noticed figures moving around in the kitchen. Must be later than he thought it was. “Better finish now Kogane. Won’t ever get done if you stop now.” He mumbled to no one in particular.

“There you are. I was wondering where you went.”

“Oh. Lance.” Keith wiped his forehead with his cut off t-shirt, “You disappeared earlier. Adam was wondering where you were.”

“Yeah. Something for work came up. I got it handled.”

“That’s good.” Keith swung down on the log in front of him and spilt it cleanly in two. He kept going for a bit and noticed Lance watching him. “Do you need something?”

Lance blinked. His gaze focused back on Keith’s face. “Oh. Right.” He moved over to the pile of logs and started to stack them in neat rows, “Yeah. I don’t know. Just thought we could talk. It’s been… too long.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Keith swung the axe again, hoping the motion hid his blush. While a part of him wanted this he still wasn’t quite prepared for it. What would they talk about? Their jobs? Keith’s lack of social and love life?

A strained silence followed. It was broken by the sounds of Keith’s axe. Lance laughed a bit awkwardly. “I guess I don’t know where to start.”

That made Keith smile. “Guess we’re out of practice.”

“You’re Shiro’s best man right?”

“Yep.”

Lance’s face went dark for a second. “Adam told me he kept my part in the wedding a secret.”

“I feel like a jackass.” Keith rubbed a hand over the back of his sweaty neck, “He didn’t want to tell me because he thought I’d be mad.”

“Are you?”

Keith shook his head. “No. How could I be? Besides Adam and Shiro are getting married. Not me.” Ah. There was that quick clench of pain. Lance didn’t know but Keith had been planning on proposing after they graduated. He saved for months to get the perfect ring. He carried it around with him 24/7 because he didn’t want Lance to accidently stumble upon it. After Keith got dumped he chucked the ring into the ocean.

“I’m happy for them.” Lance said distantly.

“I am too. For a long time Shrio had resigned himself to staying alone. I’m grateful for Adam. He was there when dad died… Shiro needed a rock then.”

“Have you uh- do you speak with your mom?” Lance flushed at Keith’s silence. “Sorry. That was probably too personal a question. We really aren’t that close anymore…”

Keith shook his head. This is what friends did. They talked about shit. Just like when they were kids. “I haven’t spoken to her since the funeral. She still lives in that house. I think Shiro still tries to talk to her but,” He shrugged, “I don’t even think she knows that I live back in Delaware now.”

Lance stopped organizing the logs and looked at Keith for a long moment. “I’m sorry.”

“Shit happens.” Another violent swing of the axe, “How are your parents?”

“Good.” The mirth came back into Lance’s voice. “They want to retire to Florida.”

“Jesus Christ. Don’t let them do that.”

Lance’s laughter wormed its way into Keith’s heart. “That’s what we keep telling them. We told them to move up into the mountains. Anywhere but Florida.”

“Are they coming to the wedding?”

“I think so. I didn’t get a chance to talk to them before I came up here.”

The pair fell silent again. Keith finally finished up. He took his hair out of the messy ponytail on top of his head. Shaking out his hair he rolled his neck and felt it crack a couple of times. When he looked up he met eyes with Lance. He had been watching the whole thing. The slightest trace of that old hunger surfaced in Lance’s blue eyes. Clearing his throat Lance said, “Can we be friends again Keith? It really sucks being out here with you… with everyone and-“ He sucked in a breath, “I just don’t want things to be like this between us. Not anymore.”

Keith bit the inside of his cheek. He was getting exactly what he wanted. So why did it still feel like his soul was getting sucked out of his body? Hiding his pain he smiled and said, “Of course. Of course we can Lance.”

The tension left Lance’s shoulders. He came up to Keith and wrapped him up in a hug. Keith’s arms only faltered for a moment before he returned the hug. Out of sheer muscle memory he rested his chin on top of Lance’s head. “I really missed you.” Lance whispered. Keith could tell he was near tears.

Swallowing thickly he said, “Yeah. Me too.”

Lance pulled away all to quickly. “Lotor said he was about done with the food. If you wanna come back up to the house.”

“I’ll be there in a bit.”

They stared one another down for a tense second before Lance smiled. “See you back up there.”

“Sure.”

Keith watched Lance go. Then he turned to watch the sun setting over the lake. Brilliant colors of orange and red and pink filled his vision. It grew blurry as tears filled his eyes. Sitting down Keith put his head in his hands and let a couple of tears fall. _“Why isn’t this good enough_?” He thought desperately, _“Why can’t it be enough_?”

***

The next couple of days passed in a blur. With the last minute wedding planning and other activities Allura wanted everyone to do Keith managed to keep busy. And as the hours wore by it got easier and easier to handle Lance’s presence. There was no way in hell that they would ever end up where they used to be. But Keith could get used to this.

He wasn’t terrified of walking into a room and finding Lance talking with his friends. They smiled and talked a bit. It was weird and awkward but god… Keith had missed Lance so much. Just being near him made Keith feel like he could breathe again.

Keith was sitting outside one night watching a storm roll over the mountains. The wedding was only a day away. Keith hoped the storm wouldn’t fuck up any of the decorating everyone had been working so hard on.

“Aren’t you cold?” Lance’s voice sounded behind him.

Turning his head he met Lance’s eyes and shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

Lance was bundled up in an old hoodie and skinny jeans. For some reason the hoodie looked really familiar. Keith brushed it off and turned his attention back out to the lake. “Allura will go super nova if this storm fucks anything up.”

“I’ve only known her for a few days but I’ll take your word for it.” Lance sighed and landed heavily on the couch next to Keith. His eyes seemed to match the color of the lake. Dark and brooding. “Where’s Kosmo at? I hardly ever see you without him.”

“He’s hiding under the bed upstairs. He hates storms.”

Lance chuckled a bit. “What a big baby.”

“He’ll find Shiro if I don’t go in before it starts raining.” The wind whipped the hair around Keith’s face. He’d always loved storms. The moments of calm just before all hell broke loose. The smell of the rain and wind. Closing his eyes he tipped his face up toward the sky, secretly hoping for rain.

A hand reached out and brushed the hair from Keith’s face. Starting a bit he opened his eyes and found Lance staring at him. His hand hovered near Keith’s cheek. Lance’s face drained of color. Snatching his hand back he mumbled, “Sorry. Force of habit.”

Swallowing Keith said, “I don’t mind.”

For a moment the rest of the world faded away. Keith got lost in those blue eyes that he still loved so much. It was like seven years hadn’t gone by. They were transported back in time. Back to when things were simple. When they only had each other. Ever so carefully Keith reached out a hand and tucked some hair behind Lance’s ear. “I’ve never seen you with your hair this long before.”

Lance flushed a bit. But his eyes didn’t stray from Keith’s. “Guess I’ve just been putting off a haircut.”

“It suits you.”

Lance’s eyes darted down to Keith’s wrist. The line of his tattoos just visible beneath his flannel. Lance’s fingers pushed at the sleeve, reveling more of the tattoos. “When did you start getting these?”

“Around the time I started grad school.” Keith was surprised his voice was staying even. He forgot how good it felt when Lance touched him.

“I never told you that I’m sorry.” Lance’s fingers fell away from Keith’s arm.

“For what?”

The other man swallowed thickly, “For leaving.”

Keith turned his head and closed his eyes. He hadn’t thought they would talk about this. Hell he hardly acknowledged the breakup in his own mind. Having Lance push it back in his face hurt like hell. “You had your reasons.”

“They seem pretty lousy now.”

Swallowing again Keith opened his eyes. He didn’t dare look at Lance. Not right now. Not after he said something like that. “I’m sure they made sense at the time.”

“Keith look at me.”

Being the stubborn asshole that he was Keith refused to look away from the lake. Lance reached out and turned Keith’s face toward his. Keith saw his own pain was mirrored on Lance’s face. “I shouldn’t have done it.” He whispered.

Well shit. What was Keith supposed to do now? All the pain and anger of the last seven years reared its ugly head. “So why tell me this now?”

“I don’t know. Nothing makes sense anymore. And I just…”

“You just what Lance?”

He swallowed. His hands were shaking, “I miss you and I feel like an idiot. But I hurt you. And I know that it’s not something you can easily forgive. But I don’t know… I got scared. People started telling me that I was settling.”

Settling. Wow. That was like a slap to the face. Keith clenched his fist and grit his teeth. He let Lance keep talking.

“And I know I was stupid to listen to those people. And then I wondered if _you_ were settling for _me_. And I started to think that maybe you could do better than me. So I convinced myself that I was right. Even if it hurt like hell to let you go… I thought you would be better off without me.” Tears had started to stream down Lance’s face, “There were so many times over the years that I wanted to hunt you down and beg you to forgive me. But I’m a coward Keith. Have been my whole life. So I told myself a bunch of pretty stories. Lies upon lies until I couldn’t keep the truth straight anymore.”

“Lance…”

“And I thought ‘yeah, he’s probably happy we broke up. He probably met someone and forgot all about me’.

It started to rain then. Fat droplets fell from the sky. Keith sat in shock as the rain soaked them both. He hadn’t heard any of this before. When Lance broke up with him he said he didn’t need Keith anymore. But now he came to understand that Lance thought he was doing Keith a favor. And yeah, it still hurt. Felt like someone was grabbing his heart and trying to squeeze all the life out of it. There was logic to it though. They had both been scared of the same thing. Of the other moving on. Of finding someone better.

Shaking his head Keith put his hands on Lance’s face, “I never forgot about you Lance. Not once. I’ve thought of you every single day for the last seven years.” His voice broke, “And I miss you so fucking much… but I kept my distance because I thought you didn’t need me anymore. You were out living your glamorous life and I didn’t want to drag my bullshit back into it.” He took a deep breath, “And I forgave you the moment you left me. There’s nothing to forgive.”

“Fuck… Keith I-“

They leaned forward at the same time. Their lips met and Keith felt his heart explode out of his chest. This was real. Lance was here. He was _apologizing_. All these years they had both been too afraid to try and find their way back.

The kiss was slow and sweet. Pulling back Keith desperately tried to get his hands to stop shaking. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” Lance kept saying.

“Stop apologizing.” Keith rubbed his thumbs under Lance’s eyes. “I never needed you to.”

Lance laughed wetly and put a hand on Keith’s cheek. “God I missed you so much.”

“I did too.” And even though Keith at that moment felt like he could fly he said, “You’re going to have to give me some time. I just… after everything-“

“I understand.” Lance leaned his forehead against Keith’s, “I do get it but… I really want to kiss you again.”

It was Keith’s turn to laugh. He pushed forward and captured Lance’s lip against his own. It was all so strange. Because Lance still felt and tasted the same. His lips still fit so sweetly against Keith’s. It was all so familiar and so brand new all at the same time.

A slamming sound sent them flying apart. “Oh god.” Kosmo had flattened himself against one of the massive glass windows. He was panting and obviously trying to get to Keith. A clap of thunder rolled through the sky and they both heard the dog whimper. Standing up Keith offered a hand to Lance, “We better get back inside. Allura would actually kill us if we got sick before the wedding.”

Lance fit his hand neatly into Keith’s. “Don’t want to risk that.”

They went back into the house hand in hand. Adam was sitting at the kitchen counter. “You two were out in the rain? Do you want to catch your death?” He turned and his eyes instantly sliced down to their intertwined hands. “What.”

Just then Shiro came into the kitchen, Kosmo cowering at his heels. “Keith there you are. Your dog is about to explode.” It took him a moment longer to notice. Then he turned to his fiancé and grinned evilly. “I believe you owe me twenty dollars.”

Keith scoffed. “You two had a fucking bet?”

Shiro wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck and laughed, “Maybe we did. Maybe we didn’t.”

Adam fished out his wallet and handed the money to Shiro with distaste. His eyes went serious as he regarded the two younger men. “So what’s happening between you two?”

They glanced at one another. Lance spoke first. “We don’t know yet.”

“Well that sounds promising.”

“Shiro. I am going to kill you. A day before your wedding. You are going to leave Adam at the altar.”

Shiro snorted. “We just want the best for you two.” His eyes turned to Adam, “And I love you both. I really do. But if you aren’t sure about the direction you are going in then you should cut it off. Don’t put each other in any more pain.”

And of course Shiro was right. He was always right. And it scared the shit out of Keith. Because he was so fucking close to having Lance back. Seven years was a long time. What if they were just falling back together because they were lonely? Was Lance doing this out of pity?

“You’re right.” Lance finally answered. His grip on Keith’s hand tightened, “But right now the only thing that makes any fucking sense is Keith.”

“Christ.” Keith realized he spoke aloud. “Sorry.” He turned his nose into Lance’s wet hair, “Like I said… it’ll take some getting used to.”

“Adam love, I found your cuff links! They were exactly where I said they would be!” Allura charged into the kitchen. She noticed the atmosphere instantly. She looked between Keith and Lance for a moment. “But Adam, you said you didn’t have a nefarious plot!”

Shiro hid his laughter behind his hand.

Sighing heavily Adam replied, “We didn’t. They did it on their own.”

“Wait, what plot?” Lance asked Keith, clearly confused.

“Its nothing.”

Allura grinned wickedly at Keith, “Keith may have had a meltdown when you first arrived Lance my dear. I believed it was part of an elaborate plot to get you and my darling Keith back together. Though Adam assured me it was not that case.”

“And it wasn’t!” Adam quipped.

Allura continued, “I must say things are starting to look rather interesting, aren’t they?”

“Amen.” Shiro said.

“Now, now boys.” Allura popped over to Keith’s side and kissed him on the cheek, “I am incredibly happy for you my love. But if you two don’t get upstairs and change out of those wet clothes within the next five minutes I may have to kill you myself.”

“God we’re going.” Keith pulled Lance through the kitchen, both of them dripping all over the floor. Kosmo kept crashing into the back of Keith’s legs making them laugh.

When they reached the top of the stairs it got awkward again. “So uh- do we stay in separate rooms?” Keith offered first.

Rolling his eyes Lance said, “I’ll get changed. Then we can hang out in your room for a while. Looks like your dog is going to need some company.” Kosmo whimpered as another clap of thunder rolled through the sky.

Lance turned to head to his room but Keith grabbed his hand. “Wait a fucking second.” Something about Lance walking away from him triggered a memory he thought he had long forgotten about.

“What? Did I do something?”

Keith’s eyes widened, “That’s one of my old sweatshirts isn’t it?” It had been tickling at the back of his brain ever since Lance found him twenty minutes ago. “I gave that to you when we were still in high school.”

“Oh.” Lance blushed furiously. “Erm. I was hoping you wouldn’t remember.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

The shorter man shrugged, “I even forget about it sometimes. But over the years when I was really lonely I’d… get your old clothes out and sleep in them.” His eyes darted to floor, “Which I know sounds really fucking creepy and gross but mph!”

Keith cut Lance off with another kiss. “You are ridiculous.”

Lance’s smile was radiant. “Same goes to you tough guy. I’ll be back in a second.” With that he scurried down the hallway.

In a daze Keith moved into his own room. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it. After a second he squeezed his eyes shut. A few desperate tears leaked from his eyes. It was all starting to set in. That they might be able to do this again. Kosmo whined and shoved his nose into Keith’s hand. “Sorry boy.” Keith’s voice was thick with tears. “I’m ok.” He knelt and pulled his dog into a hug. “I think it’s going to be ok.”

Getting up he found some dry clothes and changed quickly. He and Lance had seen each other naked too many times to count but for some reason Keith was incredibly self-conscious.

There was a hesitant knock on the door. Lance poked his head inside. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Lance came in and shut the door behind him. He smiled carefully. “This is so weird.”

Laughing a bit Keith reached out and pulled Lance to his side. Their bodies swayed together so easily. Almost as if seven years had never separated them in the first place. “It’ll take some getting used to.”

Lance’s fingers came up and traced Keith’s jaw. “Sometimes I would get scared because I thought I was forgetting what you looked like. I would wake up in the middle of the night and have to scramble to find a picture of you to make sure I wasn’t going crazy.”

Keith merely blinked. How many times had he done the same thing over the years? He was embarrassed to admit he had a framed picture of the two of them on his nightstand back home. It was taken during their junior year of college. Spring Break. Last minute they decided to drive up to Forks, Washington for a little _Twilight_ field trip. Hit up Seattle on the way back. The picture was Keith and Lance sitting in the bed of Bella’s truck. Lance had his arm draped over Keith’s shoulders. Keith snaked an arm around Lance’s waist. They couldn’t have looked more different. Keith was wearing all black and Lance had on skinny jeans and a brightly colored windbreaker. But there was no denying that those two men were stupidly happy together.

“Keith? Say something.”

“Right. Sorry.” He shook his head a bit and pressed his forehead to Lance’s. “Just… processing.”

Kosmo crashed into Keith’s legs and sent the two men stumbling toward the bed. Lance landed on top of Keith and they stared at one another for a bit. Then Lance smiled. “Forgot how good you looked underneath me cowboy.”

“Jesus _Christ_.” Keith covered his face with his hands. “You gotta ease me into this…”

Laughing merrily Lance rolled of Keith and they lay side by side. Slowly their fingers wove together. Kosmo curled up by their heads. It started to rain harder. Lance started to hum.

It was all so intimate and familiar that Keith burst into tears. “Sorry. I’m sorry.” He sat up and folded into himself. “Jesus I suck.”

After a moment Lance’s arms came around Keith’s waist. His forehead pressed into Keith’s back. “Its ok. I’m here. I’m not going to go anywhere.”

They stayed that way for a long time.

***

The next morning Keith woke up sweaty and a little disorientated. Forcing his eyes open he tried to take in the scene around him. Kosmo was pressed up against his back. Snoring. Loudly. Turning his head again he found that he was face to face with Lance. The shorter man was curled up into Keith’s arms. Looking content as ever.

After Keith’s sob session they had lay in bed and talked for hours. Talked until they could only whisper in fear of loosing their voices. Caught one another up on what in the hell they had been doing since undergrad.

And it felt really good. After the initial awkwardness had passed it was as if nothing had changed. Keith had always been more relaxed and open around Lance. He blushed thinking about how proud Lance had been of him. “No, but seriously,” Lance had whispered over the rain, “You’re a _professor_. You teach college kids about gay subtext in Shakespeare. That’s so _cool_.”

Late morning light streamed in through the windows. They had better get a move on before Allura found them like this. Today was the rehearsal and tomorrow was finally the big day. Tomorrow Shiro would be married. And hopefully Keith and Lance would leave this place together.

Keith pressed a kiss to Lance’s forehead. “Time to get up sleepy head.”

Groaning Lance rolled away from Keith. “Don’t wanna.”

“I mean we could stay in bed until Allura comes and drags us out.”

Reluctantly Lance sat up and scrubbed his hands over his eyes. “I’m too old to be staying up that late.”

“We aren’t even thirty yet.”

“Hush now. Don’t remind me.”

Keith snorted and ran a hand down Lance’s leg. “I should probably shower.”

“Me too.” Lance flushed bright red. “But er- would it be weird if I went back to my room to do it?”

“No.” Keith sat up, ignoring the protests from his dog, “If I’m being one hundred percent honest I’m so fucking self-conscious I feel like I could explode.”

Lance leaned in for a quick kiss. “We’ll get back there.”

After a couple more minutes of kissing Lance got out of bed. “Meet you back here in fifteen minutes.”

Going through the motions Keith slowly got ready. His brain was on overdrive. But in the best way possible. When was the last time he had felt this relaxed and happy? He couldn’t remember.

Lance appeared in Keith’s room again and they started to make their way downstairs. Voices floated up from the foyer. “Keep Keith upstairs…” Was that Lotor? Why did he sound so frantic?

“Keep me upstairs why?” He asked when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Shit.” Adam took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was so uncharacteristic for him to swear that Keith instantly felt on edge.

Allura slapped his arm and muttered, “Language.” But she looked just as worried.

Shrio stood just inside the front door, pale as a ghost. “Keith…”

“What the hell is going on?”

Shiro moved to the side. Keith couldn’t tell if he was angry or not.

Keith turned his attention to the front door. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” His mother was standing in the entrance, looking rather peeved about her welcome.

***

“Oh come now, I thought you would be excited to see me.” Krolia stirred some sugar into her tea.

The rest of the group sat in a tense silence. Shiro had one shoulder leaning up against a window facing the lake. While the expression on his face was stoic enough his posture spoke louder. He was digging his fingers so deeply into his arm it would leave marks. Adam stood in between the window and the counter. Staying in front of Shiro. Protecting him.

Allura and Lotor sat at the dining room table about a room away. Silent but supportive. Rolo was out back tossing a huge stick for Kosmo.

Lance and Keith sat at the counter opposite Krolia. Keith clenched his teeth so hard he was surprised he didn’t crack his molars. “We are just surprised is all.” Adam offered after an awkwardly long silence.

Krolia put down her spoon. “Were you aware had I found out about your nuptials through Mrs. McClain?”

Lance winced a bit, his hand coming to rest on Keith’s thigh.

“Did you ever think there was a reason we didn’t invite you?” Shiro bit.

“Takashi. Honestly. I’m your mother.”

Shiro’s gaze returned to the lake. “Absent mother.”

“There used to be a time when you didn’t hold that against me.”

“Yeah. Maybe after the funeral. Because loosing dad sucked. And I let it go. For _years_.” Shiro inhaled sharply, “But where the hell have you been? Huh?”

Krolia took a tentative sip of her tea. “I understand why you were angry.”

“I’m still angry.”

“But Takashi, it is your wedding. Don’t you think I’d like to be there for my son?”

Shiro didn’t respond. Adam moved to his side and whispered gently in his ear. The slightest bit of tension left Shiro’s shoulders. Krolia suddenly turned her attention to Keith. “And you. I haven’t spoken to you since…”

“Since dad died.”

“Surely it hasn’t been that long…”

Keith squeezed his eyes shut. “A week after the funeral. We spoke. Well. I spoke. You sat there and stared out the window. I told you I was going to stay with the McClain’s. You didn’t come to my high school graduation. Or my college graduation. Did you even know I went to grad school? Where I live? What I do for a living?” He forced his mouth to stop moving. If he kept going at it he would never stop.

That made Krolia pause. “I always intended to go see your graduation.”

“Which one? There have been many.”

Lance’s hand moved from Keith’s thigh to the small of his back. “And honestly what gives you the right in showing up here? Even if you were hurt because Shiro and Adam didn’t invite you! We haven’t been your sons in over a decade.”

“That’s taking it a bit too far.”

“Its not!” Keith felt all that pent up anger and sadness and betrayal well up in the back of his throat. “I teach at the same college dad went to. Did you know that? In the English department. I’ve been a professor for almost four years now. I have a dog and a nice house. I take my dog out for drives on the weekends.” Tears slid down his face now, “And I never once even thought about sharing that with you. Because you wouldn’t have cared.”

“That’s not true! It is incredible that you are a professor!”

“You left us alone mom.”

Krolia’s brow furrowed, “You had each other. And clearly Shiro has Adam and you have Lance.”

A bitter laugh escaped Keith’s mouth. “Lance dumped me. When undergrad was over. And maybe I could’ve used my fucking mother. Did you know I tried to call you when it happened? A couple of times. You sent me to voicemail. I even _emailed_. You never responded.”

“But,” Krolia was confused and clearly missed the point, “You two are…”

Lance stepped in, “It’s a long story Mrs. Kogane. One you aren’t ready to hear.”

A tense silence fell over the kitchen once more. Shiro was now fully facing the window. Adam had an arm around his waist. They exchanged a few words back and forth too soft to be heard. “I can see why I would be unwelcome…”

Shiro bit out a laugh. “Ah. She found the point.”

“Takashi, Keith. Could you please hear me out? Please?”

Neither one of them responded. Krolia took that as encouragement. “After your father passed I was in a bad way. He meant everything to me. And his death was so sudden. We had plans to take you boys on a fancy vacation. We were thinking moving back to Delaware after Keith graduated high school. But after he passed that all went out the window. I didn’t know how to be without him. I appreciated both of your efforts to try and reach me. It took me many years to get back to myself.”

“So why haven’t you bothered to contact us?” Shiro no longer sounded angry or bitter. Just tired. And sad.

“That is a complicated issue.”

“It shouldn’t be!” Keith and Shiro yelled at the same time. “We are your sons!” Shiro went on, “Had you actually tried to contact us, say a few fucking years ago, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation!”

“I am trying to make amends now-“

“No!” Shiro finally lost the last of his composure, “I gave you chances mom. Every single time I left with my heart broken! I got sick of it, so I moved on. My life has been better for it! Adam and I didn’t invite you to the wedding because I didn’t want you here! Me! Adam was willing to try and give you a chance, but he loves me and respect my choices.” He stalked up to the counter and placed both hands on it. His voice was deadly calm, “By the time I get back inside this house you better be gone. I’m done.”

With that Shrio flew out of the house. Adam trailed after him, following him down to the lake.

Swallowing thickly Keith stood as well. “Shiro doesn’t want you here. I’d respect his choices. Don’t ruin this for him. They’ve both been waiting years for this. You have no idea what they’ve been through.” He blinked and found his eyes misty, “You have no clue what _I’ve_ been through. So do yourself a favor, get out.”

He stumbled away from the counter and out the front door of the massive house. He kept walking. Tears stung down his face. After a bit he collapsed next to a tree. The sounds coming out of him didn’t sound human. It was all too much. He was so fucking mad at his mother. Why had she shown up now? The day before Shiro’s wedding. She had never been good at being subtle.

But at the same time his throat tightened and he sobbed because of how good it was to hear his mother’s voice. It had been so long. Too long. The possibility of forgiveness seemed slim. Keith lost his father and mother on the same day. There was no coming back from that.

“Keith.” Lance dropped to his knees beside Keith. “I’m here. I’m here.”

Keith fell into Lance’s embrace. God it all hurt so bad. He was getting snot all over Lance’s shirt but the other man didn’t seem to care. “I’m so-sorry that-t I’m s-such a mess-s.”

“You kind of are. But then again so I am.”

“I can see-e why-y you broke-e up with-h me-e.”

Lance snorted and kissed Keith’s forehead. “I didn’t break up with you because you’re a mess.”

“Right.” Keith was finally starting to catch his breath, “You broke up with me-e because I snore.”

“Precisely.” Lance grinned for a moment. Then his face went serious. “Talk to me.”

“I’m overwhelmed. And so pissed off.” He took a deep breath, “How dare she? After all this time?”

“I don’t know.” Lance settled the both of them more comfortably against a tree, “She wanted forgiveness. That much is for sure. And she was scared. But I don’t know what she’s thinking.”

“Do you think I should’ve given her a chance?”

Lance shook his head, “I don’t have the answers. It’s not up to me. Or Krolia. You and Shiro have been through enough. You get to decide how to live your own lives.”

_“I love you.”_ It surged into Keith’s brain before he could stop it. Danced on the edge of his tongue. And it didn’t feel wrong. Felt as right as anything. Instead he said, “I suppose you’re right.”

Lance pressed a kiss to Keith’s temple, “I’m sorry I wasn’t of more help back there.”

“What do you mean?”

“I could’ve stepped up to defend you. I don’t know. You were alone for so long. And it was my fault.”

Keith turned so he could look up into Lance’s eyes, “I already told you that I don’t blame you.”

“Just makes me wish I could go back and do things differently.”

“If we dwell too long in the past we forget the future is just ahead.” Keith kissed Lance’s neck, nibbled at his earlobe. “None of it matters anymore. We’re here now.”

Lance chuckled, head lolling to the side. “You should write a book. You sound very Nicholas Sparks.”

“You bring it out in me.” He pushed his nose back into Lance’s neck. “Did she leave?”

“I’m not sure. I went after you right away. She was still in the kitchen when I left.”

Together they sat in silence. Listened to the wind drifting through the trees. The wind just right, it brought the scent of the lake. “I wonder if Shiro and Adam will push back the rehearsal.”

“Maybe by a couple of hours. Just so everyone can settle down.”

A few minutes went by. Then Keith snorted. “What is it?” Lance asked.

“It’ll be a lot less awkward walking down the isle with you.”

Lance giggled and wrapped Keith in a fierce hug. “Not gunna lie the entire flight over here I was scared shitless. I was worried you’d refuse to do it.”

“I don’t think I would’ve refused. Panicked internally about it for sure.” Keith yanked on a lock of Lance’s hair, “Then thought about it for years afterwards.”

“Really?”

“Really what?”

“God,” Lance blushed and stared into the distance, “Think about me? Like that?”

“I have been for years. Embarrassed to admit it. But its true.”

Lance inhaled deeply, “Same here. I’d lay awake at night missing you so much I thought the ache in my chest would never close.”

Sitting up Keith turned to face Lance. Ever so carefully he took Lance’s face in his hands. “Lance I-“ Swallowing thickly he said, “I’m not going anywhere. And I won’t. Not unless you want me to. I’ll always respect your choices. Above all else.”

Lance’s eyes filled with tears. Leaning forward their lips connected. It didn’t take long for it to get heated, sloppy. Passionate. It didn’t get quite this far last night. It had been chaste and quiet. Like a beginning.

In a scramble to get closer together Keith lost his balance and fell to the ground. He took Lance with him. There was no time to stop. There was only Lance’s lips and his smell and Keith’s fingers in that stupidly soft brown hair. It didn’t matter that there was a stick stabbing into Keith’s lower back. Didn’t matter that his mother had shown up out of the blue and sent his soul into turmoil.

Gasping Keith wrapped a leg around one of Lance’s in a desperate attempt to get them closer. Lance responded by yanking Keith’s face up, hands around his neck.

Lance’s lips worked from Keith’s mouth down to his neck. Nipping at his jawline and earlobes. “Lance- mm, much as I don’t mind _this_ ,” Keith tried to breathe normally, “Maybe we should move it somewhere else-ah…” His voice drifted off, a desperate sound vibrating at the back of his throat.

“Sorry.” Lance sat up a bit and ran a hand through his hair. “Got a bit carried away!” He laughed a bit awkwardly and plucked at a button on Keith’s shirt, “You are horribly difficult to refuse.”

They got up off the ground dusting dust and dirt off as they went. “What do you want to do if you mother is still here?” Lance asked. They were strolling in the direction the house now. Keith had walked a lot further than he thought. The house slowly moved into view, their intertwined hands swinging slowly between them.

Keith thought for a moment. “I don’t know. Hide. Probably.”

Lance snorted. “What like an ostrich burying its head in the sand?”

“Actually, yeah. That sounds about right.”

Once they got back to the house it was obvious that Krolia had left. Dust swirled at the end of the lane to the house. Distantly they heard a car engine reeve. “Well that’s one problem we won’t have to deal with.” Keith grumbled.

Shiro came out of the front door. His eyes tracked the scene in front of him. When they landed on Keith they filled with tears. Lance let go of Keith’s hand. “Go talk to him. You need each other right now.”

Quickly kissing Lance’s cheek Keith hustled up to the porch and the brothers embraced. “How you holding up?” Shiro asked thickly.

A bitter laugh, “Not so great. You?”

“I feel like shit.” Shiro pulled back and looked intensely at Keith, “Can we go talk?”

“Of course.”

The brothers went and walked down by the lake. Even though Shiro said he wanted to talk they both stayed silent. Shiro shoved his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t mean to go off the handle like that.”

Keith scoffed, “No one is blaming you.”

“I never thought she’d actually show up here.”

“So you really didn’t invite her?”

Shiro glanced at his little brother. “Does that make me an asshole?”

“Absolutely not.” Keith shrugged, “I haven’t made an effort to speak to her in years. She was our mother once. But not now.”

Shiro stopped walking and gazed out at the lake. “I wonder what…”

Keith quirked a brow, “What?”

“I wonder what it would be like if dad were here.”

Keith took a deep breath and looked at his feet. That was weird to think about. Their father had been such a presence in their lives. And while the ache had never truly gone away it lessened over the years. There were times when Keith so desperately missed his father it felt like the pain would never cease. If only he could see them now. Keith knew that he would be proud of his sons. Both of them had accomplished so much. Fought for a life that they were proud of.

“He’d be proud of us. I know it.”

Shiro chuckled, “I wish he could’ve met Adam.” He swallowed, “I think about that so often. Because Adam is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s stuck with me through so much bullshit.” A rueful laugh escaped Shiro’s mouth, “And he still wants to marry me even after what he saw today.”

“Dad would’ve loved Adam. He would be confused as to why you chose someone so quiet.”

“You’re right.” Shrio laid an arm over Keith’s shoulders, “He’d be so happy knowing you and Lance made your way back to each other.”

Keith grinned. “I just hope it lasts.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t know if there is much to talk about.” Despite his casual manner Keith felt anxiety tripping through his veins, “I am worried though. I don’t expect him to leave with me after all this. We might promise to try and make things work. But there is an entire world out there. We’ll go back to our regular lives and he’ll probably realize he’s better off without me.”

“Well that’s a shitty attitude.”

“What?”

“You still love him, don’t you?” Shiro stared his baby brother down.

“I um- yeah. I do.”

“Then fight for him. I’ve never known you to back down from a fight. Fight for him. This is the happiest I’ve seen you in _years_ Keith. You deserve to feel like that all the time.”

Keith shrugged. “I’m just nervous.”

Shiro directed them back in the direction of the house. “I’m getting married tomorrow and _you’re_ the nervous one?”

As they walked back to the house Keith felt better than he had in years.

***

Later on that evening Keith stood out on the back patio of the lake house, beer in hand. The rehearsal had gone well. As Lance predicted it was set back a few hours. After another amazing meal everyone went separate ways. Allura, the ever-vigilant wedding planner, was buzzing around seeing to final details. Keith wasn’t sure where Shiro and Adam went but he knew they needed alone time.

“Hey kid.” Rolo joined him on the patio.

“Hi.”

“What a day, am I right?” Rolo chuckled.

“It was kind of shit. But good at the same time.”

Rolo was quiet for a minute. “So you and Lance huh?”

Keith grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about kid.”

“Are you mad?”

“Ha! No.” Rolo gave Keith a look, “A little disappointed maybe. But then again we’ve always been very clear about where we stand. We’ve always known we can’t be fully happy together.”

“You are too nice for your own good.”

Rolo shrugged and grinned wickedly, “Some say it’s my downfall.”

After a bit Keith took a sip of his beer and said, “I’m still gunna make you slow dance with me.”

“You’ll try.” Rolo leaned in and kissed Keith’s cheek. It felt so fucking bittersweet. “And I’ll always be here. If you need me.”

Keith caught Rolo’s hand before he was too far out of reach, “Thank you.”

Rolo gave Keith’s hand a quick squeeze, “No problem kid.”

Just then Lance walked out the door. Rolo smiled encouragingly at him and patted his shoulder. Then the older man disappeared inside the house. “What was that all about?” Lance wondered.

“Just a goodbye.”

Lance watched Keith for a long moment. “Do you uh- am I standing in the way of something?”

“No.” Keith gave Lance a gentle kiss, “You’re always gunna be the only one for me. So don’t be scared.”

“There you go again,” Lance muttered, touching Keith’s cheek, “You always say the right thing. Always.”

“I read a lot. I’ve stolen it all.”

Giggling Lance wrapped Keith up in a hug. He rested his head on Keith’s chest, right above his heart. “Its late. You wanna head up to bed?”

“Sure.”

The rest of the house seemed to be settling in as well. Soft music played from the direction of Allura and Lotor’s room. Kosmo scampered down the stairs and barked with delight at finding Keith. Once up in Keith’s room they striped out of their clothes and collapsed in bed. Lance crawled back into Keith’s arms. “Are you excited for the wedding?” He whispered.

“I am.” He ran his fingers through Lance’s hair, “I’ll be kinda glad when it’s over.”

“You will?” Lance sounded amused.

“I guess. I mean, Shiro and Adam have been waiting a long time for this. Plus… I miss home.” The weight of what Keith said hit him full in the chest. “But uh- we don’t have to talk about that.”

“No. We can.” Lance propped up on his arms, “Tell me about it.”

So Keith told Lance about home. How much he loved his job. His little cottage on the edge of town. The flowers that grew along the path to the front door. The huge backyard for Kosmo to run around in. The way the roof leaked when it rained too hard. The big four-poster bed that some old woman in town had sold him for cheap. “When its nice outside I like to grade papers or read in the garden.”

“It sounds beautiful.” Lance kissed Keith’s nose, “Sounds a lot better than my place.”

“You still live in California right?”

Lance nodded. “I have a studio. But I rent it so I can’t really do a whole lot to it.” His fingers traced some of the patterns of the tattoos on Keith’s chest, “It’s never felt like home.” He looked up at Keith, direct and strong. “I want a place that does.”

Well fuck. Keith’s heart was hammering in his chest. He knew Lance could feel it too. Ever so carefully he lifted his hands up to Lance’s face. Caressed his cheeks. “Then maybe… maybe after this. You could.” Keith struggled to find the right words, “Come home with me. If you want. Or maybe come visit at least.”

The smile that lit up Lance’s face made it all ok.

***

“You look so _fucking_ good in a tux babe.” Lance said the next day.

“Maybe you just have low standards.”

“Fuck you.” Lance laughed, kissing Keith quickly. “Your hair looks great.”

Allura had decided to braid it last minute. It hung off the right side of his neck. “You think so? Lura wanted to put a flower in it. I thought that would be a little too much.”

“Na. If there were a flower in there you’d be too powerful. People would die on the spot.”

Keith pulled Lance in by the sway of his waist, “You look beautiful.”

Lance blushed at that. He straightened Keith’s tie. “You flatter me.”

Allura zipped into the room. “Are you two ready? Two minutes to show time.”

“Ready as we’ll ever be lovely.” Lance quipped.

Guests had been arriving for an hour now. Keith had given Shiro several pep talks and got him away from the idea that Adam didn’t actually want to marry him. Shiro was standing out at the altar now. Twitching nervously from foot to foot. Adam’s parents joked with him, getting him to smile.

“Alright!” Allura flew back into the room, her floor length dress swishing around her ankles. “You two are on!” She and another woman opened the glass doors of the house. Guests turned in anticipation.

Keith offered his arm to Lance, “Ready?”

“You know it cowboy.”

The wedding was short but beautiful. Shiro started to cry the second he saw Adam. And per his character Adam didn’t really show any emotion until he slid Shiro’s ring on his finger. “I don’t know who I would be without you.” He said, his voice tight, “My life didn’t mean anything until you came along.” He grinned. His hands were shaking. “I love you so much. So please don’t leave me because I would be a mess without you.”

The guests laughed. Shiro kissed both of Adam’s hands. Several emotions welled up in Keith’s chest. The biggest of course was happiness. Being so utterly ecstatic for his brother and Adam. Love was another. He glanced at Lance. They met eyes and smiled. God. Keith was so in love with Lance. Had been from almost the moment they met.

Fuck. He wanted to tell Lance so. So badly. And he was going to. Later that night. He had to. He didn’t want to loose his chance.

He forced his mind back to the wedding. Shiro was halfway through his vows already. His big brother doing everything he could not to sob. Keith glanced around and noticed most of the other guests were crying as well. Allura was demurely patting her eyes with a Kleenex. Keith could almost hear her desperate whispering about not wanting to ruin her makeup.

All too soon Shiro and Adam ran down the isle, hands clasped. Flower petals rained down from the eves. Allura had planned it all perfectly. It was beautiful. “Come on!” Lance shouted over the music. They headed back down the isle together. Once they were a fair distance from the crowd Lance said, “That was great. I can’t _believe_ Adam cried. He never cries.”

“Yeah.” Keith was caught up in Lance. The sun shown through the trees and highlighted his hair. Freckles danced across his nose and his eyes shined. He was the most gorgeous being Keith had ever seen. Yanking Lance in close he kissed him. Hard. Held him in by the lapels so Lance stayed as close to Keith as possible.

How badly Keith wanted to run Lance upstairs and have his way with him. Allura would kill him. They still had appearances today. Toasts to make. People to schmooze.

Lance kissed him back. He managed to back them up behind a tree. Didn’t want guests that were leaving to see them sucking face. “We need to get-“ Lance muttered, “In line to greet people.”

Pulling back Keith kept their lips only a centimeter apart. “What if I don’t want to?”

Lance made a noise. Sounded a lot like a growl. “Please don’t tempt me right now. I’ve wanted to rip that suit off you from the moment I saw you in it.”

Keith managed a laugh but sounded more like a pathetic whimper. “Promise me?”

A shit-eating grin dawned on Lance’s face. “Yeah. I promise. Now come on. Allura will have our heads.”

The rest of the day seemed to drag at a snails pace. Keith was glad Shiro and Adam were enjoying themselves. Keith was wound so tight he was surprised he didn’t erupt. He went through the motions and smiled and made small talk. Drank a little too much champagne. By the time night fell and the reception started Keith’s jaw hurt from how hard he was clenching it.

Truthful he was embarrassed. Couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this horny. It was unsightly for a man his age. Every single time Lance looked in his direction Keith felt his heart rate triple.

“And now,” Allura announced, “Would everyone make their way to the edge of the dance floor for the first dance!”

Lance found his way to Keith’s side and leaned his head on his shoulder. Shiro and Adam moved out to the center of the dance floor. A song by Cigarettes After Sex pumped through the speakers. Keith recognized it instantly. It was playing at that house party from years ago. _Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby_.

“Wait.” Lance whispered, “I thought Adam _wasn’t_ at that party that night. That’s why Shiro left so early and pissed off.”

Keith supplied the rest of the story, “Apparently Adam chickened out and didn’t go. Ended up calling Shiro a couple hours later. They met out on the beach in the middle of the night and danced to this song. Under the stars and moonlight and everything.”

“And we thought _we_ were the dramatic ones.”

Snorting Keith rested his chin on the top of Lance’s head. Was it possible to be this content?

Shiro had leaned his forehead up against Adam’s. He whispered something to Adam and the shorter man smiled. They were in their own little world. The rest of the audience seemed just as enchanted as Keith. Adam’s mother was crying into her husbands shoulder and Allura moved through the crowd offering Kleenex.

The song came to an end but Shiro and Adam continued to sway back and forth. The clapping from the guests around the dance floor brought them back. Shiro grinned shyly. An upbeat song started and people drifted out to the dance floor.

Just as Keith promised he and Rolo shared a couple of dances. It was hard to tear the older man away from Lance’s plus one, a guy named Hunk. He and Lance had been friends for a couple of years. “I’m so sorry,” Lance apologized earlier, “I feel like a dick for inviting you and then ditching you.”

Hunk laughed and slapped Lance on the back, “Hey. You got back with your ex that you never shut up about and I get some free food. Where’s the trouble in that?” Patting Lance on the back Hunk went back into the crowd and found Rolo. Those two had hit it off at some point. Kept dancing together and generally ignoring the rest of the world.

“Would never shut up about huh?” Keith quipped, elbowing Lance.

“I will leave you alone on this dance floor Keith Kogane.”

After a couple hours of eating too much, drinking too much and dancing harder than he had in years Keith swung Lance slowly around the dance floor. Many of the guests had started to leave. And it looked like Shiro and Adam were thinking about making their exit.

Keith felt that pleasant buzz of alcohol behind his eyes. His tongue felt loose. He was probably going to start saying things he would regret. “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.” Lance gazed up at him.

“I never stopped thinking about you. Not even for a second.” Keith knew his emotions were coming through in his voice. “And for years I thought I was being… selfish for hanging on. And I still think I am. Selfish that is. But nothing ever felt as real as my love for you.”

“Keith…”

“I love you Lance.” Keith blinked through his tears. “I haven’t stopped loving you.”

Lance’s lips surged up to meet Keith’s. They stood there kissing in the light of the moon and fairy lights. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as you…” Keith mumbled. “And I don’t think I can stop.”

“I can’t either.” Lance kept Keith’s face close to his, “I love you too Keith. So much. It scares me but I do. I really, really do.”

They kissed again and were only forced apart when someone tapped Keith’s shoulder. When he pulled back he was met with his brothers smiling face. “You know Adam and I are the ones that just got married. You two should get a room.”

Blushing Keith nervously glanced around. People were giggling behind their hands as they watched the two couples. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Shiro hugged Keith tightly. “We’re heading out. I love you baby bro.”

“I love too Shiro. Congratulations. To both of you.”

In a rare show of affection Adam kissed the side of Keith’s head. “Thanks. We’ll see you in a couple of weeks.” He turned to Lance and pulled him into a hug. He said something to Lance that Keith didn’t catch. Lance smiled up at Adam. An understanding passed between them.

After a few more goodbyes the newly married couple drifted away. They were spending the night in one of the smaller cabins on the property. “Wanna get out of here?” Lance asked.

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that for _hours_.” Keith said. The relief in Keith’s voice made Lance laugh out loud.

***

They managed to keep it together on the way up to the house. Glided through the kitchen and up the stairs. They started to kiss once they reached the top of the stairwell. Slammed up against the wall outside of Keith’s room, already working at ties and buttons.

Got into Keith’s room by some miracle. “God. I haven’t had enough of you in _so_ long.” Keith said. He ripped off his tie and suit jacket. Clothes started to fall on the floor in heaps. “You are so beautiful.” His fingers ran up and down Lance. All over his body. The sounds Lance had started to make were driving Keith up the wall.

“God I missed you. Missed this…” Lance was flushed and shaking. Tears had risen in his eyes. “I love you so much… _ah-ah_!”

Keith sat up a bit and ran a hand through his hair, “I’m sorry. I’m getting carried away.”

Lance shook his head desperately, “I don’t care. Please just… don’t stop.”

So Keith didn’t. He touched there and there. He followed the trail of his fingers with his lips. Sucked Lance into his mouth and savored the glorious sounds Lance made. Lance’s toes clenched into the blankets. One hand knotted in Keith’s hair. “No one has ever made me- _mm_ made feel like this.” Lance arched up a bit.

Keith looked up for a second. The elegant curves of Lance’s body were intoxicating. He was covered in a thick sheen of sweat. Keith pushed on. It may have been a while since Keith had done this for Lance but he still knew how to make Lance feel good.

“Keith… _please_. I can’t anymore!”

Lance shook as he came down from his high. Melted into the sheets on the bed and finally wound his hand out of Keith’s hair. Panted breaths escaped Lance’s mouth. Sitting up Keith wiped his mouth. “Sorry.”

He gave Keith a look, “I told you not to apologize.” Dragging up Keith for a kiss Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s shoulders. “I love you.”

Keith nudged his nose along Lance’s jawline. “I love you too.”

They fell back into each other. Whispers and touches and kisses. Patterns long forgotten but never completely erased. By the time the sun came up both men were exhausted but still awake. “Do you think anyone is going to expect us for anything today?” Lance whispered. His voice hoarse.

Keith chuckled and pulled Lance a bit closer. “I doubt it. And hell to them if they do. I think we deserve this.”

Snorting Lance pressed a weak kiss to Keith’s collarbone. “I highly doubt I’ll be of much help anyways. You worked me over pretty good.” Blushing furiously Keith covered his face with his hands. “Don’t you dare say sorry!” Lance teased, “I asked for it.” Lance’s eyes went soft, “I love everything you do for me.”

Kosmo peaked over the side of the bed. Satisfied that the men were finally done rolling around the bed he hoped up. Circled a few times and settled at the end of the bed. A mighty sigh left his mouth. Both men laughed out loud. “I didn’t even know he had followed us up here.” Lance giggled and buried his face in Keith’s chest.

“I didn’t either.” Keith finally closed his eyes and let his fingers drift over Lance’s arms. “Good night Lance.”

“Good night Keith.”

When Keith woke up many hours later it was late afternoon. Sunlight drifted in through the massive windows. Keith groaned and stretched. Lance wasn’t in bed with him.

He sat up, tangled in a mess of sheets. He touched the side of the bed Lance had been sleeping on. It was cold. Kosmo sat up and quirked his head. “H-hey boy.” His voice shook. Why was he so scared?

Looking around the room he saw no sign Lance had been there. There were no clothes on the floor at all. Keith’s bags were still in the corner. His own mess in the bathroom. Staggering out of bed he dug around his bags for some clothes.

He moved out of the room and stumbled down the stairs. He smelled coffee and other food cooking. Kosmo was tight on his heels. Lotor and Hunk were in the kitchen. A moan sounded from the living room. Allura was draped across the couch, clearly nursing a hangover. Lance was nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Lance?” Keith finally managed to ask.

“He didn’t tell you?” Hunk asked. He began to pour another cup of coffee for Keith.

Keith was breathless. “Tell me what?”

“Some work thing came up.” Hunk said it casually, “He didn’t say goodbye?”

“I-uh…”

Rolo came down into the kitchen, wearing a shirt that was several sizes too big. “Morning.” He stretched and yawned.

“Its not morning. Its late afternoon.” Hunk replied good-naturedly. He gave Rolo a hot look. “Coffee?”

“You are a saint.” Rolo went up to Hunk and pinned him against the counter. They exchanged some words that were meant only for them. Keith watched in slight shock for a moment. Then he moved on.

“When did Lance leave?” Keith asked. His voice tight.

“A couple of hours ago.” Hunk said over Rolo’s shoulder. “Did he really just dip out on you? He didn’t say anything?”

“No.”

The group fell silent. Lotor paused at the stove. Always cooking for everyone. If Keith wasn’t melting down from the inside out he would be amused. “Perhaps he left a note?” Lotor suggested.

Keith shook his head. “He didn’t.”

“Well shit.” Rolo had hopped up on the counter next to Hunk. “What a shitbag.”

Hunk slapped at Rolo’s thigh. “Hey. That shitbag is my best friend.” His attention moved to Keith, “But it was a shitty thing for him to do. Have you tried calling him?”

“No. I-“ He stopped. The group looked at him imploringly, “I got scared. Ok? So I came down here.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “But my flight leaves in like three hours so I don’t know if I have time to panic.”

“You don’t need to panic, love.” Allura was sitting up on the couch now. She was a mess. Makeup from yesterday was running down her face. “I’d be bloody pissed if I were you. Did you two shag?”

“You have no shame darling!” Lotor called.

“Did you two shag?” Allura asked again, “You know. To prove your undying love for one another?”

Keith blinked. “Erm. Yes. We did.”

Allura flapped a hand and collapsed back on the couch, “Even more right to be pissed I’d say. Call him and yell at him.”

“But he just left for some work thing.” Hunk interjected, “I’m sure he had his reasons for leaving without telling anyone else but me.”

Keith pinched the bridge of his nose, “You realize how shitty that sounds right?”

Hunk sighed and sipped his coffee. “In context, yes.” Rolo laughed and bit at Hunk’s ear. Yeah. That would take some getting used to.

Kosmo started to whine at the door to the back patio. Numbly Keith moved over and opened the door and let his dog outside. Adam and Shiro were still out in their cabin. Probably would be till tomorrow. At least they were happy. Because all that stupid shit Keith had been thinking about last night seemed out the window.

So Lance left without a word. Probably because he regretted what had happened last night. Made sense. In a horrible, bitter way. In a way that hurt more than Keith ever thought possible. When he turned back around he found everyone in the room staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing.” Lotor turned back to the stove. Hunk and Rolo looked at the floor.

“He’s worried about you darling.” Allura quipped.

“Why?”

“Because you just got dumped by the same man. Again.” Allura was too hung over to be delicate, “The one man that you’ve loved your entire life.”

It fell silent. The sound of crackling bacon filled the silence. “We just want to make sure you’ll be ok.” Rolo finally said. He was looking at Keith the same way he had years ago. When he first got dumped.

“Of course I’ll be fine.” Keith bit out. He shrugged. Bit his lip so he wouldn’t burst into tears. “I should’ve seen it coming.”

“Its not _your_ fault Keith.” Lotor had started to dish up food. Then he went over to the couch and attempted to peel his wife off of it, “Maybe you two got caught up in the romance of it all.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

Allura kissed Keith’s cheek on her way to the table. “Now come eat my love. You can cry into your scrambled eggs and mimosas.”

Swallowing thickly Keith shook his head. “I should pack. My flight…”

“What you need right now is your friends.” Rolo protested.

Keith let Kosmo back inside. “I need to pack. I can’t… I can’t do this right now.” With that Keith fled back upstairs. Locked himself in his room and turned on the shower so no one would hear him cry.

When he emerged from his room an hour later Rolo was sitting on the floor. Petting his dog. “Rolo. I don’t want to do this right now.”

“Do what?”

“You’re going to tell me ‘I told you so’” Keith sucked in a breath, “And if you do I’m going to lose it.”

Rolo shook his head and stood up. “I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Then what?”

“Don’t run away from this. You need to let yourself feel these things.” Rolo put his hands on Keith’s shoulders, “Let us help you.”

Keith shook his head. “I can’t. I won’t. Because if I do then it makes it all real.”

“But it is real.”

“I can’t let it be.” Keith tried so hard to control his voice. But it wasn’t working. “Because if I feel all of this then it won’t ever go away. And I already feel stupid enough, ok? I fell for all of it. Because I was so desperate for him! The moment he showed me any hint of friendship I threw myself at him. And I got lost in it. Seven years. Rolo. Seven years I waited for something like this to happen and I got my ass handed back to me.” He stopped talking. Blinked at the floor. He couldn’t do this.

“Keith…”

“Don’t.” He shook Rolo’s hands off his shoulders. He needed to change the subject. It was the only way he was going to get out of this. “I can’t believe you hooked up with Hunk.”

Rolo was clearly irritated that Keith was dodging the issue but he flushed slightly. “We aren’t going to talk about this right now.”

“But we can.”

He shrugged, “We got invited to a wedding as plus ones and our dates hooked up with each other. Its like a bad romcom.”

Keith forced a laugh. Then he hiked up his bag on his shoulder. “Well. Good luck with that one.”

“Don’t leave like this.”

“You’ll always be here. Right?” Keith looked back at Rolo, “So. If I need you, you are just a call away. Right?”

Rolo sighed heavily. Crossed his arms over his chest. “Right.”

“Thank you for everything.” Keith whispered. “Really.”

“Talk to you soon Keith.”

Keith rushed down the stairs. Made his goodbyes quick. He didn’t try to seek out Adam and Shiro. They would see right through him. And the last thing he wanted to do was ruin their happiness.

He shoved his things in his car and helped his massive dog in the back seat. Drove in silence all the way to the airport.

Managed to get through security and onto the plane. Sat motionless, staring out the window. Shutting down his emotions worked well enough he supposed. It wouldn’t be terrible. Going back to work. Giving lectures and grading papers. Eat and sleep and continue on with his life like nothing had ever happened.

He only wished he’d never been so stupid.

***

_Two Months Later_

Shiro grinned over the Facetime call. “I think you would’ve hated it. Too much sand.”

“Don’t you dare make a _Star Wars_ joke right now.” Keith took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I had a twenty year old sobbing in my office an hour ago. My brain is melting.”

“You made a twenty year old cry?”

“I wouldn’t let her into my advanced literacy course. She said she could handle it. So I made her try and quote Homer.”

Adam’s face appeared on the screen. “You can’t make twenty year olds quote Homer in the Ancient Greek!”

“But it’s an advanced literacy course! We read Homer in Ancient Greek! If she couldn’t do it then she shouldn’t be in my course!”

“When did you turn into a grouchy old man?” Shiro asked.

Keith shook his head. “I’m glad you guys enjoyed Hawaii.”

“It was nice. But it’s good to be home. Allura called like a million times. Adam was about ready to cancel our phone plan.”

Again Adam smiled and pushed Shiro’s head to the side. Then he disappeared from the frame. “So. How have you been?”

Keith shrugged, “Fine. Graduation is next week. So I gotta put on all the fancy robes and shit. Walk around campus for a few hours and pretend that I care about the other couple hundred students graduating that aren’t in my department.”

“Can you please come visit us during the summer? You kept promising last year but you never did.”

“I will.” Keith managed a smile, “Kosmo loves to travel.”

Shiro went serious. “How are you, really?”

Keith got up and shut the door to his office. Sighed heavily. Then said. “I’m tired, Shiro. But I’m eating and sleeping if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“You haven’t heard anything from him? Not even a text?”

“He made it pretty fucking clear that he didn’t want to speak to me.”

“Did you even try?”

Keith swallowed. “No. Because I can’t handle that rejection again. I know it’s the cowards’ way out but I’d rather not worry about it.”

“I’m not judging you baby brother. I’m just worried about you.”

Shrugging Keith fiddled with a bust of Shakespeare he had on his desk, “I’ve already been through it once right? This time around it’ll be a piece of cake.”

“You know I love you Keith but you are fucking stupid sometimes.”

“Can we talk about this later? I’ve been on campus three hours later than usual. Kosmo is probably losing his mind. Or shitting all over my house.”

“Using your dog as a dodge. Very smooth.”

Keith actually smiled, “Shut up. I love you. Send Adam my love. We’ll talk soon.”

“Love you too. And we are going to talk about this. Even if I have to fly out there and tie you down.”

Keith hung up and started to pack up his desk. Found his laptop under a mountain of papers. By the time Keith got his things packed up it was well after four. Normally he’d never be on campus this long. He waved at other professors and students that he knew.

Wearily he threw his shit in his car and drove off campus. He hadn’t lied to Shiro. He was tired. But he was taking care of himself. Wouldn’t make sense for a twenty-nine year old man to break down over something that wasn’t even a breakup.

Summer was coming and Keith _was_ excited. Summer in Delaware was great. His favorite time of the year. And maybe he’d be able to look in a mirror again and not hate his own reflection.

He got back to his quaint little house and sighed. He was so fucking tired. But hey. It was the weekend. A bottle of expensive wine was calling his name.

As he stepped out of his car and slammed the door shut. Slung his messenger bag over his shoulder. Started up the walk, keys jingling in his hand. Then he heard his dog barking.

That was to be expected. Kosmo always barked when Keith got home. But that wasn’t what was worrying Keith. Kosmo’s barks were coming from outside. Not inside. Keith’s head jerked up. Had Kosmo somehow gotten outside?

Keith ran around to the backside of his house. There was a man throwing a stick for his dog. And Kosmo seemed pretty well acquainted with this person. He was barking happily and sprinting after the stick. It took a second for it to register in Keith’s brain. It was Lance.

Kosmo caught sight of Keith and came sprinting over, tongue lolling. The massive dog crashed into Keith’s legs. Keith just stared at Lance. And Lance stared back at him. “What are you doing here?”

Lance scratched the back of his neck. “I know I have no right to be here. And I don’t deserve it. But hear me out?”

“How’d you get in my house?” Keith asked.

Laughing a bit Lance pulled Keith’s spare key out of his pocket. “I called Adam. He told me where your spare key was.”

Kosmo looked back and forth between the two men. Then started to roll around happily on the grass. “What are you doing here?”

“I came here to say I’m sorry.” Lance shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, “To tell you that I’m an asshole. And I was wrong.”

“Why’d you leave like that?”

Lance kicked at a small stone. “Because I’m stupid. And terrified. After you fell asleep I stayed awake for hours and watched you. Memorizing the face that I thought I forgot. And I got scared.”

Keith ran a hand through his hair, “Scared of what?”

“Of you waking up and realizing you got caught up in the magic. Realize that you actually were better off without me.”

“You could’ve woken me up and we could’ve talked about it.” Keith couldn’t help how bitter he sounded. The last two months had been hell.

“God. I know.” Lance looked up at Keith. His eyes were full of tears. “But I’m weak. A coward. Because those couple of days up at that lake house made the rest of my life seem so worthless. I gave up the one thing that made me a better person. And I was so scared you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

“You aren’t a coward.” Keith said simply.

“Aren’t I? I didn’t even call! Why aren’t you angry with me?”

Keith thought about that for a minute. “I am.”

“So then yell! Curse at me! Tell me I don’t deserve you back after the way I treated you!” Lance was full on sobbing now. “Then at least I’ll know where I stand with you!”

He swallowed. Dropped his messenger bag on the ground. Slowly advanced toward Lance. He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do. But he hated to see Lance cry. That hurt more than all the pain he had suffered at the hands of this man. “Keith! Please say something. Hit me, tell me you never want to see me again I can’t take this…”

When Keith finally got back to Lance he pulled up his face and kissed him.

Held Lance’s face in his hands and just kissed him. Because Keith had never been good with words. Actions had always been easier for him.

Keith pulled back for a moment and brushed the tears from under Lance’s eyes. “I don’t like it when you cry.”

Lance was looking at him in confusion. “I don’t understand you. I’ve hurt you so much and yet you…”

“Lance. I love you. I told you back at that lake house. I love you more than anything else in this world.” Keith smirked, “You piss me off sometimes. And yeah, you’ve hurt me. When I woke up and you weren’t there my world shattered. And the last two months have sucked.” He pressed a kiss to Lance’s forehead, “But I went without you for seven years. Two months was nothing.”

“Keith…” Lance hugged him and buried his face in Keith’s sweater. “God. I suck. But I love you so fucking much. Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t.” Keith sighed, staring out over Lance’s head. Let a couple of tears fall. Stroked his hands over Lance’s back.

Lance’s sobs finally subsided. He looked back up at Keith and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “Professor Kogane is a good look.”

Keith smirked again and pulled Lance in a bit closer. “Is it really?”

Nodding Lance held Keith’s face in his hands. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know if I can ever make it up to you.”

Shaking his head Keith said simply, “I already told you, I never needed you to.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what this is. But if you read the whole thing, god bless you. Sometimes I just puke words out into my laptop and put those words into the universe and then live to regret it.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what this is lol. Part Two will deal with the future of all the characters. Expect a time jump.


End file.
